Forever Starts Tonight
by dreamingsstars
Summary: It's been three years since they've walked out of each other's life, yet things seem to be as, if not more, complicated than it was back then. Hardships and heartaches soon follow, but that's what life is all about, isn't it? What is love without a little turbulence?
1. Push Play Repeat

**Yeah, I am back! First of all, thank you all for your feedback on the last chapter of Expressions of the Heart. It was definitely heartwarming to see all those positive messages! I hope this story will be just as great. So for those that are dying to know what happens next or didn't like the way things ended, here we go!**

* * *

Let's face it - today was rough. She was exhausted and not in the mood for anything unexpected. Which was why she thought this was a dream. That she had fallen asleep and if she could get herself to wake up, he would not be here, right in front of her, with spilled coffee on his shirt.

It was December 4th. Finals were right around the corner; so was winter break. Parties were being held and she'd been invited to a fraternity down the street. Even now she was not the type to let loose, but every so often she found herself looking forward to it.

This day was a disaster from the start. She used body wash instead of conditioner and she nearly poked her eye out with the tip of her mascara brush. She burnt her bacon this morning, poured cream in her cereal, and to top it off, she was fifteen minutes late to class.

She had just wrapped up a modeling gig and was walking to the restaurant she did part time at to fill in for a friend. A hot beverage sounded delicious and she thought she would stop by and obtain one if the bistro wasn't too packed with people.

"I am so sorry. I didn't-"

"You need to watch where you're fucking going." She did not recognize his voice in that instant. She was more astounded by the tone this man had used. It was not as if she had bumped into him on purpose.

"Okay, if that's how it's-"

That's when she heard it. Her name, and not just her name. The nickname to her nickname he'd given her.

She looked different. Not the bad kind of different, but the best kind of different. The girl he knew in high school years ago has blossomed to the beautiful woman standing in front of him today. It was taking every ounce of strength he had to take his eyes off her.

"You look awesome," he finally said.

Still shocked, she does not respond.

Tony has never looked better and it is all she can think about.

But somehow she managed to get a few words out. "I'll pay-"

"No, it's alright." He looked down at his brown stained shirt and shrugged. "Don't make a big deal out of it."

You could cut the silence with a knife and thank God the barista had called her name. "Excuse me," she softly said and he moved out of her way and watched as she got her drink. Heading to an empty table, he grabs some napkins and pats down his shirt, a sigh escaping his lips. She was the last person he expected to see and the sense of unfamiliarity between them broke his heart. It was funny, he had trouble remembering the easiest of things, but when it came down to that day, three years ago, he could remember it like he could wire a circuit with his eyes closed.

"Um, I'm in a rush, but it was good to see you."

"Pepper..."

She didn't bother letting him continue and hurried towards the door. She had to get out of here before she said something she'd regret.

"This is how it's going to be?" If that was an attempt to get her to stop in her tracks, it worked. Her eyes close and she is fully in control of her emotions as she turns around to face him. "I thought the whole point of us breaking up was so it wasn't gonna be like this."

"Don't do this. Bringing up the past...it's been three years."

"And I'm stuck in it," he concluded.

"I meant it when I said it was good to see you," she responded with a kind smile. And deep down she really did mean those words because when she thought about their relationship, she didn't feel mad, sad, or anything else for that matter. She was grateful for the opportunity and she didn't regret it. "I didn't mean to act like I just had and I apologize, but Tony, part of moving on is letting go and I have with you. And, yeah, the process was painful, but I learned a lot about myself from it. It's hard at that age. You blame everyone and everything for your failures and a lot of that comes from immaturity."

"You realize there's no point in blaming and you start to think of all the good you once shared and that is what I choose to remember when I think about us. We were kids, going through high school. Fun was the only thing we cared about, and at that point in our lives, nothing could have prepared us for what happened in that span we were together. Our bond wasn't strong enough and we weren't capable enough to get pass it all unscathed. You know it. I know it. It's something I accepted. Because no matter how good our intentions would had been toward each other, it still wouldn't had been good enough and I truly believe that. So, yes, to answer your question. You are. You have to be, Tony."

She was doing better than she thought. She refused to let her emotions break through the surface, so if he would let this go, she could away with her control still intact.

Even as Pepper was talking, he could hear an underlying sadness in her voice. Sure, she moved on...they both have, but in the end, their relationship never ran its natural course, which left a lot of "what if's" to think about.

"I guess that's a good thing, right?"

"Yeah," she softly replied. "You're in New York again?"

"Only for this week. I have some meetings to attend."

Was she relieved to hear that? A part of her was. But another isn't.

He wanted to tell her he missed her, but held his tongue instead. He didn't have the right to say something like that, not when he was the one who chose to severe ties between them.

"Maybe we can catch up one day." Why did she just say that?

"It's okay, Pepper," he replied in earnest. "I mean, it's already weird as is, we don't need to agree on a day to celebrate it." His comment made her laugh and he marked that up as a small victory. "You should go. I don't want you to be late to wherever it is you need to be at."

Oh, right. She had work.

"Yeah, I should get going," she said as she checked the time.

"Bye, Pep." He smiled and walked her direction. For a split second she thought he was coming toward her, but she's surprised when he brushes past her and keeps on walking.

* * *

 _So there's definitely unresolved feelings and I'm sure you guys are excited about that. Please let me know what you think; it makes all the difference! I hoped you guys liked the first chapter, the next one should be out in about two weeks :)_


	2. Everything Has Changed

It's crazy how life works. How you're just going about your day, and even though it might not be the perfect day, you can still enjoy it because you feel a sense of accomplishment and the weather is nice, but then something comes at you like a freight train, ruining everything, and has left you with nothing but a headache and a trail of unwanted thoughts no amount of wishful thinking can get rid of. And there she is. In this exact predicament. Was it because she didn't want to forget at all? No, of course she did, her heart just refused to let her. They say the brain's the most powerful organ in our body, but she wouldn't miscount the heart. It drives our decisions more than anything. Especially love. Was that the reason why she was sitting here thinking about this? Him? So what if she was? Was it a problem? Maybe. But now is not the time to think of it. She could not afford opening up that piece of her broken heart again.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Morgan's voice came out of nowhere, but it hadn't startled her. In fact, she didn't even respond.

"Daisy said you bailed out on her shift because you weren't feeling well."

"It's nothing."

"Okay, obviously it's not nothing." She didn't seem sick and Morgan knew something was up the minute she got a look at her best friend's face. "Pepper, tell me, please. Let me help."

"I saw him," Pepper said, almost inaudibly.

"Him?"

"Tony."

"Tony? Tony Stark?" Morgan looked at Pepper with wide eyes. "Where?"

"At the coffee shop. I was in a rush and I must not have seen him. It just, it happened so fast. I don't know what happened." She's rambling. She knows it. "I don't like that place anyways so why did I walk-"

Morgan interrupted. "How'd it go?"

"Horrible. All I wanted was to get out of there, and I did, but he followed me and said something he knew would make me stop in my tracks."

"He said something that hurt you?"

"No, it wasn't like that," Pepper said, immediately defending him. "He thinks I hate him for what he did and he shouldn't feel that when it's so far from from the truth. What happened is in the past and I told him that. How we were just kids and it wouldn't had mattered if things had been different."

"Please, even you don't believe that."

"It's pointless to dredge up what could have happened."

"But..."

"But I'm scared. I have literally spent the last hour replaying that stupid night in my head."

"You can't let him in," Morgan said with conviction. "I know he's important to you. He's your first; there's always gonna be a spot in your heart reserved for him, but don't let him manipulate that connection."

"You say that like he wants me back."

"You're the girl that got away, Pepper. And in his heart he remembers you as the girl who was always there for him, the girl who never gave up on him even when he deserved it. I don't doubt for a second he hasn't realized what an incredible thing he's lost."

* * *

"I miss her."

Rhodey twisted his head to look at him as they sat in his car at a parking spot. "Tony, I know it's not the speed you're used to, but you're gonna have to deal with it. You don't have another choice."

He rolled his eyes and replied, "Not my car."

His best friend was shocked. "Wait, you're talking about an actual person? Who could you even possibly...Jesus, what was the one thing I said for you to not do while you were in L.A. for the week?"

"I didn't go looking for her! She literally ran into me and knocked over my coffee."

"You told me you spilled it because the cap was halfway open." Rhodey said flatly.

"Yeah, well, I lied," Tony shot back with a similar tone.

"Alright, what happened?"

"She hates me."

"She said that?"

"No, but I got this vibe from her that she wants nothing to do with me. I wanna apologize for what I did, but no moment seemed right."

Rhodey knew better than anyone how hard it had been for him to let Pepper go. Tony was feeling emotions he never expected to and he began to invest in them...slowly losing parts of himself to this person. This guy prided himself on being in control and it was as if when he figured out just what was happening, he also realized it had to stop before things got out of hand, and the only logical choice was to let go and that is where things took a turn for the worst. To this day, he wasn't sure his friend understood that.

"But, whatever, you know. It's not like I can do anything to change the past. If she's fine with the way things are, then I should be too."

* * *

"Make sure to schedule an appointment with the front desk so we can discuss your blood results next week."

"I will." She smiled at the doctor and left the exam room, heading towards the main office.

"And you've had your CT?"

"Yeah, about an hour ago."

"Good," she heard the receptionist say. "Dr. Ashford should be reviewing it, so I'm sure the wait won't be long. Nothing has changed since the last time we saw you?"

"Nope."

"Okay, have a seat and we'll call you in shortly."

This time he was the one who was smiling. He turned on his heels toward the waiting room. That's when he noticed her. You've got to be kidding me. Before he could do anything to make himself invisible, he had been caught. The two of them are now at a standstill in the middle of the hall.

"This is weird."

Pepper chuckled. That's one way to put it. Weird.

"What are the chances of us running into each other two times-"

"Tony! Great. I see you brought company." Dr. Ashford took a second to smile at the young woman. "Let's get this started."

"Oh, we're not..." Pepper had to clear up the confusion. "I'm not here with him."

"Oh, my apologies," the MD replied. The two seemed close from his perspective.

"She's just somehow I know." For some reason, he felt a need to put in his two cents.

"Well, and I don't mean to come off inconsiderate, but as long as you have someone that's not you driving you home after the procedure, she doesn't matter to me."

"Wait, procedure?"

Dr. Ashford realized at that point he had said too much.

"You should go; it doesn't concern you."

Their eyes lock at his dismissive tone and suddenly she's reminded of the parts of him she doesn't like. How his gaze could go from being filled with warmth and joy to something like it was now in a second.

Dr. Ashford asked Tony as they headed into the room, "That was a bit unnecessary, don't you think?"

What other choice did he have? He'd do anything to not let her find out the reason why he was here.

"She cares about you."

"It's not her business."

Dr. Ashford motioned for him to get seated and began to tie a tourniquet around Tony's left arm to have his blood drawn. "I reviewed the scans and it looks like there hasn't been much growth. Which means there shouldn't be any surprises in the OR come Tuesday." He handed the nurse the four vials and asked if she could get the results as soon as possible. "How are you feeling? Any more pain than usual?" He slipped a stethoscope underneath Tony's shirt. "I need you to be honest with me about this."

"No."

His one word response resulted in a raised brow from the MD.

"Look, I know you're not good at-" The door paused when he heard the sound of the door opening. "Whatever it is, I'm with a patient. It can wait." He paused when he noticed it was the same redheaded girl. "Miss, I don't know what you're doing, but you have to wait outside."

Tony's head shot up from where he sat. He didn't expect her to waltz in here so soon. She wasn't going anywhere and he knew it.

"No, it's fine," he spoke up. "She can stay."

Dr. Ashford nodded. "Let's move forward then. We're gonna repeat the same exercise as last time. If you would, lift your arm until it's 180 degrees with your shoulder."

Tony did so and Dr. Ashford made a note in his chart.

"Good. Can you clench your hand into a fist for me?"

The exercise seemed simple enough, but when she saw how much of a struggle it was for him, she started worrying. Dr. Ashford then asked if he could flex against his resistance; he didn't do too well on that either.

"I'm proud of you. You've improved. I'm gonna step out for a second to update your file. In the meantime, change into your gown. Everything from the waist up needs to come off."

The doctor was the only barrier separating them two from talking. Minutes passed, but to the both of them, it felt like years.

"You shouldn't be here."

"I didn't have the choice when I realized I was being followed by two large men who cornered me in the elevator with a confidentiality agreement."

"They're pretty cool though."

"Tony, what is wrong with your arm?"

"Nothing."

She sighed.

"My chart's right there."

"I'd like to hear it from yourself. It's not just your arm, is it?" Her question is filled with concern, no surprise there.

"Why do you want to know so bad? I thought I didn't matter to you anymore."

She opened her mouth to respond, but a soft knock interrupted her so she backed away from him and returned to her seat. He, himself, stood up and headed toward the bathroom.

"I'm glad you came back," Dr. Ashford said, proceeding to chuckle at the confused look on her face. "You sound important. There's an apparent connection between the two of you."

"You're mistaken. Tony and I-"

"Aren't in a relationship," the doctor finished. "But there was one."

"How do you know that?"

"I've been around. When you're my age, you see everything more clearly."

"Let's get this over with," Tony announced into the room.

Within the next few minutes, he was lying on his side. His back is being sanitized by Dr. Ashford while a nurse is placing leads on his chest. "Tony, please remain as still as you can."

"Here." Pepper offered him her hand and he stared at her skeptically. No matter what was going on between them, she could always offer him support. "Come on, don't be difficult."

"Alright, I'm going to administer the anesthetic. You're going to feel some pressure." Dr. Ashford felt his patient's back and quickly concluded where it'd be best to administer the medication; then proceeded.

Tony felt a sharp sting and he didn't even realize how hard he had squeezed her hand until he felt the syringe come out.

"That hurt," she joked in midst of the situation.

"Can you feel this?" Dr. Ashford asked.

"No," Tony replied. His back felt numb.

"Alright, so we'll proceed. This is the part where I need you to hold still. Keep your spine curved as much as possible. It's not comfortable, but it'll make my job easier and it'll get us done quicker."

He grunted at the overwhelming sense of pressure that was a needle being forced deep into his spine. It hurt, but he kept his breaths calm and tried not to squeeze her hand too hard no matter how much he wanted. A few seconds later, the needle reached its destination. The pain was dormant for just a few seconds, only to be pushed aside moments later by a painful groan. He heard Dr. Ashford telling him 'only a little bit more,' but the words didn't register with him until the procedure finished and he was able to relax again.

He was advised to lay flat on his back for the next hour or two until he could officially be cleared to leave. His eyes close and he let out a sigh of relief. He was about to tell her thank you, but before he knows it, he fell asleep.

* * *

Any guesses to what's wrong with Tony? I'm sure you got some ideas! It's gonna be bad before it's gonna be good. Prepare for a wild ride! Hugs and kisses to those taking the time out to leave me such lovely comments :)


	3. Middle Of Nowhere

Tony let out a small groan as he began to wake up. His head hurt. An all too familiar sensation for the past two years. At least this isn't the worst he's had.

"Hey," he heard her quietly call out. _Was she still here?_

He turned his head toward the voice and smiled at her.

"I'll get you some water," Pepper said once she heard him cough. "Dr. Ashford wants you to keep hydrated." She hands him the cup and makes her way back towards the desk to pack up her things. "I think-"

"Pepper..."

She froze for a second and thought about saying what was on her mind, but decided against it. "I think I should leave. It's late. I have lab in the morning."

"Pepper, please." His voice was stronger this time; attention grabbing.

She refused to meet his stare out of fear and shook her head instead.

He sighed in annoyance. He didn't understand why she stayed if she was going to leave the second he woke up.

"It's just...I have all these scenarios in my mind," Pepper quietly said. "About why you're here, and I don't know if any of them are close to the truth, but if one of them is, then I don't want to be right, Tony."

"You're smart. People only get lumbar punctures for several reasons."

"I know." She finally turned to look at him. And that was the reason why this scared her. Because, like Morgan said, she still cared about him, and she thinks she always will.

"You dress sluttier now; I like it."

She rolled her eyes at his change of topic. Of course he'd do that. So predictable.

"I don't normally dress like this."

He was disappointed at her confession. "So it's for a date then." It was the only next logical explanation.

"I model part time."

"Like for Victoria's-"

"No."

"Then you're not really a model."

"That is such a guy thing to say!"

"You could have just lied." That was when he made the mistake of trying to sit up. A sharp pain hit him like a ton of bricks and his hand instinctively goes up to his head. He takes a couple of deep breaths, as medically advised, and closed his eyes until the throbbing stopped.

"You alright?"

"Just perfect," he sarcastically retorted. The room stopped spinning and he noticed her hand on his arm, a concerned look on her face. He had to tell her. He thought about what she said. The scenarios in her mind. If she had figured it out. Maybe that's why she was still here, the reason she couldn't bring herself to walk out those doors quiet yet. She had to know the truth, no matter how terrible it is.

"I never listened to it," Tony confessed.

She was relieved. She had did it as a desperate attempt to salvage something that was gone. It was embarrassing.

He could make a lot of justifications for deleting her voicemail, but in the end it came down to one thing: he was a coward. "It wasn't easy, letting you go. It's probably the hardest thing I've ever done and all this time I still don't think I regret it. When we started dating, I didn't expect much. I even told myself I'd mess things up in a week or so because of how foreign the concept was to me. I don't understand it. Why people want relationships. Why people invest in them so much. All you do is become someone they think you should be and that person you once were disappears. Emotions aren't supposed to outweigh or overcloud logic. That's what I told myself." He shot her a sad smile as she sat down on the bed next to him. "After what happened with mom and dad, I realized I needed you. I realized if it hadn't been for you, I probably would have jumped off a bridge or something. Hurt myself. You tried to help the best way you could and all I saw it as was controlling, which I used to act out to see how far I could push you. To see how much you care about what happens to me. What gets me is every time I think about the past, I don't think I even once said thank you for sticking with me through all of that."

"I wasn't innocent in all of it. I'm at fault too."

"Yeah, but you never once set out to intentionally hurt me and I did." Neither of them wanted to mention that night; almost like the night never existed. At that point she really did think that was it. They had hit rock bottom. How many couple came back from that? "I felt something when I found out we were moving and I didn't know how to explain it until you said something that helped me. Do you remember in school, that one day I was walking you to class you had asked me if I was gonna tell you I loved you? I thought it was stupid. It couldn't be something I was feeling. I brushed it off. But when my parents told me we were leaving three months before school ended, I thought about it. Maybe I did, a little. And when I realized it, I panicked. I focused on all the ways we wouldn't work out of fear of it being true; that's why I chose to end things. Love isn't what I signed up for and even now when I think about it, it terrifies me how close I was to losing control of myself to you. I started thinking logically and came to the idea that if you were out of my life, that feeling would vanish...and it did. I felt better, but the expense was hurting you, and even if I don't regret it, at the same time you deserved me giving you the real reason."

"You wanted simple," Pepper told him, echoing his words from three years ago. "And you got that." He'd gone back to his old lifestyle. The girls. The parties. The alcohol. It was the life he chose over her. The life he had before he met her.

"Nothing happened with the girl."

"What girl?" she asked, even thought she knew exactly what he was talking about. Not a week into their breakup and there was an article about him hooking up with an aspiring model. She hated how simple it had been for Tony to move on.

He caught the flash of hurt on her face even though she had hid it well. "I would never hurt you like that." It would have been disrespectful, and at that point, she was still all he could think about.

She didn't respond and looked away instead.

"You don't believe me, he stated, not surprised, but still hurt.

"I don't have a reason not to," she told him.

"There isn't a reason to either," he retorted. "Nothing happened. You know that."

"Do I?" Pepper snapped.

"Yeah, you do!" he said with the same tone.

"This is stupid. I think it's time I left." She gets up, but the minute she took a step, he grabbed her wrist and turned her back around to him. "Let me go, Tony," she said with a detection of anger in her voice.

"You believe what you want but don't think you can just come and go as you want. You don't even know what it's been like for me the last two years. I've seen more hospital walls than I've seen lecture ones. I get headaches my entire day. I'm mad all the time. I have nothing to look forward to. A week from now I might not even remember who I am. It scares me. So don't start thinking I need you here, I don't." He laughs sardonically. "You want to know what's wrong with me? There's a tumor." He pointed at it. "Here. On the left side of my brain. That's why I have a limited range of motion on my arm. It's weakness from the dead cells that are pressed up in front of my brain and spreading down to the brainstem. That's why I'm here. So the doctor can remove it before I die from it. You can leave, Pepper. No one stopped you from fucking leaving to begin with, but once you walk out this room, stay out. Don't come back."

"I won't," she spat out. Grabbing her purse off the chair, she headed for the door. She just about reached out for the handle, but Dr. Ashford got to it first. She jumped.

"Sorry for the sudden intrusion." He gave Tony a sincere smile, chart in hand. "Looks like you're being discharged. You're going to have to keep hydrated and limit yourself to light activities only. Anything else might bring on a headache and we both don't want that. If you have numbing or if your injection site starts leaking, please call no matter what the time is. This next week is crucial, we must take every factor into consideration."

He nodded and jumps off the bed.

"This also means no driving. I assume she is taking you home."

"Right."

Pepper looked at him in disbelief.

"Alright. I'll see you on Tuesday."

The door closed on Dr. Ashford's way out and he peeled off his gown before heading into the bathroom to grab his clothing. "What are you still doing here?" he asked once he walked back into her sight.

"You lied."

"People lie all the time. You should know that."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing." He knew saying that would infuriate her, which was what he was counting on. There were clearly some resentment she was holding back and his job was to make those feelings boil up the surface.

"You shouldn't drive."

"You shouldn't care."

She held her ground. "It's reckless."

"And I've been anything but? Relax. I'll be fine, I always am."

He brushed past her and walked out the door. She followed and despite what she was feeling, she smiled at a passing nurse.

"Don't you have lab in the morning?"

"Tony, you just told me you have a brain tumor."

He doesn't respond; walking inside the elevator.

"Tony." There was a pleading in her voice and a lot of emotion behind it. The way she had called him, it left little doubt in his mind that this girl still cares about him.

He shouldn't had told her, but it was in the heat of the moment. Maybe deep down he wanted to let her know. "Just go. This never happened. It's the best thing for us to do."

"You mean the best thing for _you,_ " Pepper corrected.

He walked out into the parking lot and over to his car. He was about to open the door when she intervened and stopped him.

"I can't let you do this."

He glanced down at Pepper's hand on his wrist. "Don't make do something I regret. Cause this time I won't apologize for it."

"Fine."

He thought he won, but he's at a loss of words when he sees her opening the passenger side and getting in. Fine, if she wants to play it like that, then he'll play along.

* * *

He turned on the lights to his living room for the next two weeks and tossed his jacket on the sofa, Pepper following behind with a slight scoff as she entered.

"What? You don't love it?"

"It's such a bachelor pad," she retorted, looking around his living room. It wasn't her taste, but it was still, nonetheless, fashionable, very modern; very him.

He shot her a quick stare and kneeled down as his four legged friend ran out of what he assumed was the bedroom. Snickers liked to sleep on his bed whenever the opportunity presented itself. He scratched behind the ears before pushing the dog aside with a laugh once the canine licked his face. "Remember Pep? You met her when you were little."

Snicker looked at Pepper and began to bark continuously. Something he did with strangers, so that itself answer the question if he remembered her. "Hey, calm down." He walked into the kitchen and heard a couple footsteps following behind. Snickers knew his human was about to refill his food and water. He wasn't hungry, but he could eat.

"You want something to drink?"

"I'm fine," Pepper replied. She watched as the dog tried to steal some food from the bag and chuckled. She sat on the island and noticed a note next to a vase of white tulips. It was from his mom. _Hi, honey. I'm sorry I couldn't stay until you got here, but I made pasta. It's in the fridge with a salad. Please eat healthier. Get some rest. I'll see you Saturday night. I love you, Mom._

"Nosy," he remarked, grabbing the note off the counter and crumbling it into a ball before throwing it into the trash. He made it.

"Did you even read it?" She asked with a hint of criticism.

"Yeah. It's been sitting here since last night." He tossed a raspberry in his mouth. "There's no need for the third degree, Pepper."

"That wasn't-"

"What you were gonna do? Yeah, right. What are you still here anyways? It's almost eleven. I remember you forcing me to leave your house when it was this late for school."

She unconsciously draws a loose strand of hair behind her ear and stumbled with her words. "You're right, I do. But I, uh, I think we or I want to talk about what happened-"

"There's nothing to talk about." His voice was cold and she expected nothing else.

"I think there is," she insisted.

"And I know there isn't," Tony bit back. "I mean, what makes you think you have the right to barge into my life demanding me to tell you what the hell is wrong with me? I don't owe you anything." He took a second and let out a deep breath. He was getting riled up again; she happened to be the unintentional target. "Just leave. I don't want to do this."

"The sudden mood swings are a side effects of the tumor, isn't it?"

"No, it's because I'm fucking tired. I'm drained. My head hurts like hell. I need sleep." He didn't understand why he was being harsh with her. He guessed it was easier than trying to be civil.

"Why are you acting like this?"

"Because it's the only way you'll listen!"

"You're mad because I stayed, but you're also mad cause you couldn't tell me to go."

"Yeah, and I see what a big mistake I made there."

"I don't understand-"

"Drop it," he interrupted with a raised voice. "You had your chance at the hospital and you blew it. End of discussion. So if you think staying here is gonna accomplish something, it's not, but be my guest. It's not my time I'm wasting." He slammed his bottle of water onto the island and walked off. He really needed some time to himself where he could relax and unwind. He wasn't going to accomplish that being in the same room as Pepper. He wasn't sure how she was going to get home, but at this point, he didn't care. He had a date with a steaming hot shower and it was going to be the best he's ever had.

"Tony, wait." He stopped dead in his tracks in his room and turned around to face her. "I'm sorry if it seems like I'm butting into your life, but it's only because I'm concerned about you. For whatever reason I know you don't think you deserve it. Look, I can admit that us breaking up was one of the worst times of my life, but it doesn't diminish the fact that I care about you. I will always care about you. I'm sure it goes both ways, doesn't it? That's why you let me stay when you could have easily asked me to go. And, yes, you could have opted for the truth instead of a lie, but I don't hate you for the choices you made when you were younger. Being scared, I understand. I know the feeling all too well. There's this saying that sometimes you go so long without love, the second you have it you don't know what to do with it."

He wanted to move, but he ignored his instincts and let Pepper come closer to him. So far everything she said was correct. He broke her heart because he'd been terrified of love...terrified because he's been let down so many times that when he finally wasn't, he wanted to get rid of it.

"Let's put everything in the past. Can we do that? Can we start over? I just want to be here for you." She wants to because she knows he's guarded. Knows there's so much frustration and anger harboring in his heart.

"You want to be there for me?" He let out a bitter laugh and closed the distance between them. "Fine. Be here for me."

She was well aware that his eyes were now focused on her lips. She should have stopped him, but she knew she didn't want to. His lips fiercely presses against hers and her brain ceased functioning. Quickly, the kiss deepens and he pressed her against the wall. He well understood this would complicate things, but he was too frustrated and angry to care.

His mouth left hers for air, but he wasn't finished. He trailed kisses down her neck, hands on her waist to pull her hips closer to his. She found herself leaning her head to the side and letting out a small moan as he sucked on her pulse. Before she knew it, his hands ripped open her coat, buttons scattering onto the bedroom floor. A familiar sensation pooled in the pit of her stomach and that is when things came to a standstill.

"Tony," she gasped, breaking the kiss they were currently sharing. She pulled away from him and saw the confusion in his brown eyes. "We shouldn't do this." He refused to back off, so she pushed him away. Her hint was received, but still he kept close, pressing his hand against the wall as a way of trapping her but also giving her a way out.

"Why not? You were practically eyeing me when you realized who I was earlier this afternoon."

"That doesn't mean it's right."

"You ever do anything spontaneously? Is that even possible with you?" He was curious as to how much Pepper's changed. From what he can see, not much.

"Is it ever possible for you to open up?"

He chose not to respond, giving her a knowing look.

"Then I guess that answered your question."

"You're right." He took several steps back and cleared his throat. "I'm sorry. This shouldn't-"

"It happening is not the problem. It is everything that comes after that is, you understand?"

"I just miss you," he softly replied.

She nodded. Hearing him say that warmed her heart, but at the same time it made her want to run out the door just that much quicker.

"You're right. I still care about you. It can be different this time."

"How? You're going to be here another two to three weeks before heading back to MIT, but I'll still be here, leaving us in the same exact situation we were in three years ago. I won't go through this again, so when you can tell me how, maybe we can talk, but right now, I can't let this go further."

* * *

 _What if the next chapter is completed and I'll upload it ASAP if you guys smash the comment section and give me 10 reviews? It's a fair trade, right? Besides, I know from experience you can do it. ;)_


	4. Captured My Heart

"You're not afraid he'll run off?" Pepper asked as they continued on the trail they've been on for the last hour or so. The second Snickers had been freed from his leash, the dog took off. Disappearing in sight.

"He doesn't go far. Just watch."

She hears a bark not so long later and smiled to herself when she sees Snickers running back with a stick. The dog drops the piece of wood in front of Tony and sits down at his feet.

"Yeah, I know what you want." He picked up the stick and threw it as far as he could.

She watched the dog run off, chuckling. Tony had asked if he could take her out two nights ago and she had declined because she still had her hesitations about this. Him. Using school as her excuse, she was able to push him off, but then she began to feel guilty for doing so. If they were going to give this a chance, she had to let him in.

"You arm hurts?" She had picked up on the wince that spread across his face from earlier.

"Yeah, a little bit."

Snickers came back with the stick and this time she bent down to pick up the piece of wood to save him the trouble.

"Thanks. Sometimes I forget." He cleared his throat, hoping she'd drop the topic so it didn't ruin the mood, but he also knew he could not ignore it completely. She was going to be a part of his life and things were only going to get harder before they got easier. "It's not that it hurts, it's just more of an unwanted sensation. The tumor affects the right side of my body so I need to work out the kinks before I hit the gym or go out on a small run."

"Are you scared?"

"I try not to think about it. But right now, no, but when it actually happens maybe I will be," he honestly responded.

"That's understandable," she thoughtfully said before changing the subject with a smile. "Anyways, I had a really nice time tonight."

"Really? I thought for sure you'll be complaining to your friends about how lame this date has been. He didn't take me out to dinner, he didn't spend a dime on me. His dog got more attention than me."

She shook her head, smiling at his sarcastic comments.

"So you're majoring in physics?" They had walked back to his home and are in the midst of dinner.

"Yeah, for my Master's. It's cool now because I get an excuse to build robots."

"Robots?" She had to admit, that did sound fun.

"Yeah, he's a little accident prone though, but I think it gives him personality."

"Is that the best idea? Seems dangerous," Pepper said.

"Please, Dum-E's harmless."

"Dummy?"

"Not D-u-m-m-y. D-u-m-E."

"Changing the spelling doesn't change its meaning."

"You know you have problems when you find the name more offensive than the person who actually has to live with said name."

She shook her head and ate her last bite of food. There was always this silence between them after a topic of conversation ended and she guessed it was because neither knew what to talk about. It was as if they were tiptoeing, ignoring the elephants in the room: their past and their future. No matter how much they wanted to start over, the history between them could not be erased. Could not be ignored. What about the tough road ahead? She couldn't stop thinking about it.

"Is this as hard for me as it is for you?"

Tony was relieved. "So you feel it too?"

"Yeah," she sadly said. "I knew this would take time, but I didn't know it'd be-"

"This hard?"

"Yeah. It's like we know each other, but really we don't know each other at all."

He stays quiet, not knowing how to respond to her. Because he feels the same.

"Alright, so what do you want to know? I'll answer anything you want, Pepper."

"That's a loaded question."

"Believe it or not, I had a hard time moving on. The parties...it's what I did to forget."

"Which included girls and alcohol?"

"Girls were part of the distraction."

"Along with everything that came with them."

"I'm not going to apologize for what I did after we broke up."

"No, but it's great that you can just switch your feelings off and act like we were nothing, Tony."

He's offended at her assumption and ignores responding to her completely.

To which Pepper realizes her words had been a bit harsh. She overstepped.

"I'm sorry. I guess we both had our own ways of dealing with things. It's hard to hear, I guess."

"It's fine."

"No, it's not. I shouldn't have said that."

"I found out the night I collapsed onto the floor during a soccer game. I remember my head hurting the entire night so I went to bed early to rest. I guess even asleep something didn't feel right. Mom forced me up and I just remember her telling me I need to go to the emergency room to find out what was wrong with me and to this day I don't remember that. Maybe I passed out because when I finally woke up at the hospital, I freaked. All I remember was deciding to take a nap before the game and it concerned the doctor. He said the jumbling could be from a concussion and he advised for a CT to be done. I did it and was given a bunch of drugs afterwards to make me feel better, so I could rest; I'll never forget the look on my mom's face when she found the results. I hear my dad demanding additional tests to be ran by someone with years of experience. Tests confirmed its been in my brain for at least five years and because of it's size, it's benign. That if it were malignant, I'd have seen symptoms. The neurologist said it wasn't causing profound effects, but because of its location, there were still problems. I got what he was saying. I don't make good decisions. I have a bad memory. It's hard for me to focus on a task without getting sidetracked. And I think about it and I think that can't be so bad, could it? I don't know, I guess when I found out about the tumor, I felt like it explained a lot. This person I am...maybe I'm not him at all. Honestly, that scares me the most."

"Tony, we need to be realistic and I think we both know it's not the best time for us to be starting something up when what's important is all the obstacles you have lying ahead of you. Getting the tumor out, that's the first step. Next is physical therapy. You're going to be in a lot of pain and you're going to need to focus on getting better so you can get out of that hospital and get back on track to your normal life. I'm not pessimistic, I'm anything but, but how long that will take, it's unimaginable, and I'm sure while all of this is happening, you won't be on the West Coast. You'll be at MIT, back in Cambridge, where you belong."

"I want to make this work," he plainly stated. "But you asked me how things will be different. I don't know. Honestly." He didn't hold back an exasperated breath, venting out his frustrations on the matter. "A part of me is saying 'yeah, the timing could be better,' but the biggest part of me refuses to let go. Am I wrong for thinking that? 'Cause I don't think you'd be here if you didn't feel quite the same about me."

"I believe you when you say it'll be different. I really do," she reassured. "I guess I'm still having a hard time finding the confidence."

"Understandable."

"Sometimes it's a pain." She cleared her throat as she checked the time. "It's late and I still need to work on my practice midterms."

He got up the second she did and followed.

Pepper stops right at the door and turns to face him. "I really am sorry I can't be there for your operation, but once I'm finished, I promise the hospital will be my first stop. I'll be the first thing you see when you wake up."

"Sounds like a date," he said with a smile.

"I'll be there," she replied. "Get some rest. I know you're tired."

She hadn't even realized how close he had gotten until she noticed his hand reaching out to remove a strand of hair from her jacket. His eyes locked with hers and she could feel him leaning in. Her breathing hitched and her eyes closed the second she felt his lips pressing against her cheeks.

"Thanks for coming tonight," Tony whispered as he pulled away.

"Thanks for giving me a call." She linked their hands and softly squeezed his before slipping out his front door and into the winter night.

* * *

 _Your comments are appreciated! Thank you guys!_

 _WoodenHeaven - haha, you comment made me laugh. I wish I had more to upload._


	5. Permanent Scars

"Honey, she's not coming," Maria reminded her son.

"I know," he replied, though he couldn't help but glance the clock once again. It was 10:38 in the morning and Pepper's final had started an hour and thirty eight minutes ago. For some stupid reason, a part of Tony was hoping she had finished and was on her way over to see him before he was wheeled into the operating room for prep.

He laid back down on the bed and frowned. As time was winding down, he became more anxious. Then, as if on cue, Dr. Ashford walks in. The doctor greeted his father and smiled at his mother.

"We're ready to take him in. The surgery should last no more than four hours. We'll try our best to get all of it out, but like I told you several times before, sometimes it's just not possible. Based on MRIs and his CTs, we should not have a problem removing the tumor, but if it affects any of his motor processes in the slightest, we need to talk about undergoing chemotherapy as an alternative option. Now that's not something new to either of you. It is however the patient's choice, and Tony and I will talk about it more in detail should the need for the process occur. He will be awake the entire time because of the tumor's location. There are going to be electrodes in place so I can locate and avoid the functional areas of his brain. Every thirty minutes I'll have the nurse ask him to talk, count, look at pictures, move his arm. Another nurse will be there to monitor his vitals; help Tony remain as calm as possible, or as one possibly can given the extent of his circumstances."

"Updates?"

"Of course, Mr. Stark. Every hour on the dot I'll make sure someone comes out to gives you the details."

That's what Howard wanted to hear.

"You ready to for this, Tony?"

Tony nodded, acknowledging Dr. Ashford and his question.

"Great. I'll see you in five minutes."

Maria walked over to her son and bent down to place a kiss on his forehead. She gave her son a warm smile and said, "I love you. Please do well."

"I love you too," he replies with a smile.

"We'll see you in four hours, okay, kid?"

He turned at his father's words. "Yeah."

Howard gave his son's shoulder a squeeze as the nurses wheeled him off. As soon as Tony was out of sight, he let out a deep breath and turned to Maria. "This is going to be hell."

* * *

About two hours later was when Pepper arrived. The instant she walked into his room, she halted in place. She did not expect his parents and now that she was face to face with them she didn't know how to proceed.

"Pepper, please, come in," Maria invited warmly.

"Hi, Mrs. Stark. I can see how drained you are."

"Howard and I haven't slept in almost twenty four hours. I literally feel like I need to be a sloth for a day."

Pepper let out a small laugh and turned to the male figure in the room the second he spoke.

"Is this the girl from high school?"

"Yes," his wife answered.

"Fine, then she can stay. Now quit block the television."

Maria shook her head at her husband's rudeness. "Have a seat, sweetheart. Tony's doing fine. One of the nurses just came in to give us an update. They've isolated the tumor, he's passing the questions he's been asked and his reflexes are perfect. In another two hours, he should be out. It's crazy even with the reassurances he's going to be fine, I still can't help but thinking maybe fifteen minutes from now, all that can change. It's hard, sitting here."

"I'm sure he'll be fine," Pepper said. She knew no matter what she said, nothing could calm the thoughts of a mother. Telling her not to worry or think about it would be impossible.

"I was just going through some old pictures to get my mind off the operation. Look at this one." Maria handed her phone over to Pepper and smiled. "He just turned two and he had to have that piece of lemon. Tony had bite it, must have been am minute before, and hated it, but for some reason he wanted to shove it back in his mouth again. It was ridiculous, I couldn't believe it. I guess it's how all babies are around that age. They don't make much sense, but it's adorable."

"Did he have blue eyes?"

"He had them until he turned three. I really miss them."

Pepper smiled at the next picture. They were at an amusement park of some kind and Tony was on a horse on the carousel. His dad was standing next to him with his hand on his son's back for support. Tony was pointing up at the top, his focus on all the decorations.

"Howard will never admit it, but he has this picture up somewhere in his office," Maria whispered.

Pepper laughed and swiped to the next one. She spent the next two hours going through photos and eventually was left alone in the room when his parents decided to stretch their legs and grab dinner. The nurse had said Tony would be out in another twenty minutes and would be wheeled into the ICU unit for overnight monitoring. She must had fallen asleep after hearing the news because the next thing she knows is she is being woken up by a light tap on her shoulder.

"He's out," Maria said with a smile.

"Oh, he is?" Her mind had gone to an instant state of alertness.

"He's a bit sleepy, but he's alright."

"Can I see him?" She asked because she didn't want to intrude.

"Of course."

Pepper followed Maria in silence. They rode the elevator to the sixth floor and turned once they stepped out. His room was the second door on the wing.

"Oh, good, Mrs. Stark. I was just talking to your husband. Can I have a word with you out in the hall?" Dr. Ashford was still in scrubs attire. "I have some news about your son's operation. I'll try to make it quick. I know you're both tired."

Tony couldn't move much, he was tired, but he smiled the instant he saw Pepper's face cross his field of vision. "Hi," he mumbled.

"Hey," she whispered as she came closer to his bed. "I know it'll never happen, but if you ever decide to shave your head...don't."

He chuckled. "I'd be exhausting, but I'm tired."

"Get some rest." She sat down in the chair next to his bedside and fell asleep along with him.

A few hours later and she was again startled by someone lightly shaking her awake. She was embarrassed when she saw a nurse.

"I'm sorry to wake you, but visiting hours are almost over." Nurse Jackie picked up the clipboard next to Tony's bed and recorded his vitals. There were some changes she'd become aware of. He had on an oxygen mask and the tube inserted at his head bandage seemed unnerving. Monitors surrounded him and various drips were inserted into his arm and wrist.

"Can I ask if he's hooked to these tubes because of something?"

"Oh, no, honey. He's fine," the nurse assured. "The drips are to give him his medicine and fluids, others are to measure his BP, heart rate, and urine output. What's attached to his operation site is an EVD. It helps drain out any excess fluid. He also has a nasogastric tube down his throat as an extra precaution. They're protocols we take for every patient to ensure they have the best care, especially for those who have had strenuous operations as his."

"Does it hurt?" she curiously inquired.

"You mean if he's feeling any sort of pain? No, he isn't. My guess is he hasn't felt this good in awhile, but it's going to be entirely different once he wakes up."

* * *

An incredibly stressful two days pass. She was finally free from school, so that was checked off, but then there was Tony. He seemed to be drifting in and out of consciousness for the most part and that worried her because she hadn't been able to hold a conversation, or rather, he hadn't been able to hold a conversation with anyone for longer than fifteen seconds. Dr. Ashford said it was normal, his brain needed to heal, and no one had a choice but to believe him. Since then, she kept herself busy. She hoped there'd be news about him soon because she was leaving Los Angeles for the next three weeks to vacation in Maryland.

"Hey, Pepper. Tony's awake," Rhodey informed via an unexpected phone call.

She immediately halted in her steps. "What? Really? When did this happen?"

"About two hours ago. I wanted to make sure the wake up was permanent before I called, so I hope you can understand. If you could stop by, I'm sure he would love to see you."

"I'd like that. Thank you." She hung up the phone and smiled. This was going to be a good day.

* * *

"They say you can't have water unless a nurse is here. They're afraid you'll choke or something," Rhodey said, handing Tony a cup of ice chips.

"That is beyond stupid."

"I don't make the rules."

He grabbed the cup and sighed. He had woken up to strange beeps and panicked. Dr. Ashford was quickly paged into the room, and as soon as he saw the doctor's face, he relaxed. His presence triggered his memory and he'd been so relieved once he was told that the tumor was completely extracted from his brain. He still a felt a bit out of it, but in another hour or so, maybe he'd feel more alert. That was when he had to test both his cognitive and neurological functions. His results would help determine if he needed any form of physical or occupational therapy.

He leaned back into the pillow, fighting the much needed desire to close his eyes.

"Tony, if you're tired, I'd-"

He shook his head with whatever energy was left.

"Yeah? Tell that to your brain," Rhodey retorted as his best friend began to slip into unconsciousness. He thought about telling him Pepper was coming, but he didn't. Rest was more important.

"He's asleep?"

Rhodey's head snapped up at Pepper's voice and nodded. "Yeah, you just missed him by ten seconds."

"Oh," she sadly said to herself. She walked into the room and up to Tony's bed. Her hand instinctively sat on top of his as her eyes took in his appearance. His cheeks were a little pale but he looked well.

"Tony still has some drugs in his system, so he is going to pass into a light sleep from time to time. He tried to stay awake, but his body wanted otherwise. I guess two hours was enough to tire him out."

"He was tired after he came out of the OR."

"Yeah, these past couple months, he hasn't gotten a lot of sleep. His headaches kept him up all night."

"Did he seem the same to you?"

"From the conversation we had, yeah, he's till him."

Pepper smiled. "Good." She paused. "It's just that he was worried having it removed might make him a different person."

"You don't have to explain. I think you should stay until he wakes up. I need to run some errands and his parents are with Dr. Ashford. He shouldn't have to wake up to an empty room and your face will definitely make him feel a lot better than mine ever can."

And she did stay...not that she planned to leave. She wanted to hear Tony's voice and see those big brown chocolate eyes more than anything.

Nurse Jackie came into the room half an hour later with two other people. "We're going to take Tony down to radiology for a bit, alright, Miss?"

Pepper nods and watches as they wheel him out of the room. "I'm starving," she said. She hadn't eaten since breakfast, and although it was overpriced, she guessed she could go down to the cafeteria and get something.

"Pepper!" Rhodey called her name. He was currently in a long line for sandwiches.

She walks up to him. "I hate crowds."

He laughed. "It's lunch. Not much you can do about it. I don't think I've moved for about seven minutes."

"I think I've walked this place for ten just trying to decide what I want," she said.

"There's a tiny bistro right across the street. You wanna go and grab something?"

Pepper took him up on his idea and left the line with him. An hour and a half passed before they're back and there hasn't been any change with Tony. He had woke up for a couple minutes, but because no one was there, he fell asleep. Part of her felt terrible. If she had gotten something from the cafeteria...no, no need to talk about 'what if.' It wasn't important.

She went into his private bathroom to wash up. Having just finished her finals today, she was exhausted. With a sigh, she turned not the water to wash her face, but as she did so, she failed to hear him wake up.

He hears beeping from the monitors first. His throat is dry and the light in the room is a little too bright.

His best friend immediately jumps off his seat.

"Water," he rasped out.

"Yeah, let me get you some...there you go." He handed him the partially melted ice chips as soon as Tony's figure was upright in bed.

He slowly lifted the cup to his mouth and took a small sip. "I know I'm at the hospital so you don't have to ask."

Commotion from the bathroom catches his attention. A silhouette entered his field of vision and his brows furrow as he attempts to catch a glimpse of the figure. "Okay, who the hell is that?"

* * *

 _Stay tuned!_


	6. Static On The Radio

"Who the hell is that?"

Rhodey could not believe what he was hearing. Did he not recognize her?

"Tony, are you joking?"

Joke? No. Why would he joke?

"Please tell me this is a joke," his best friend plead with a nervous laugh.

He didn't respond. The long pause and distant stare spoke for itself.

"Oh God, this is a nightmare," Rhodey muttered.

He let out a small frown, taking in the complete stranger as she walked out of the bathroom. Although he was lost, it didn't stop him from noticing the way her iris' sparkled the moment their eyes met.

Quickly thinking of the best scenario for this predicament, Rhodey spoke. "Hey, you think we could talk out in the hall for a second?"

Pepper was surprised by the request. All she wanted to do was stay, but nonetheless, she agreed.

They left the room, but not without Tony objecting. Something happened between the timespan of when he woke up to right this second, but just what she wasn't sure.

"There's never a good way to tell someone bad news is there?"

"Bad news? What? I don't understand. He's awake," she responded. "Isn't that what we wanted?"

"Yes, and that's not the problem." Like ripping a bandaid off a wound, he quickly told Pepper. "Tony doesn't remember who you are."

The color drained from her face and she nearly choked as she tried to talk. "He..." She cleared her throat and raised her hand to wipe a stray tear. "He doesn't remember me," she said in disbelief. "Is this real?" Anger, sadness, and confusion clouded her heart as she tried to understand what is happening. "I can't believe this." She looked into the observation window and stared at him. He had his head down and was staring at nothing in particular. He seemed deep in thought, like he was trying to recall something.

"I need to clear my mind. If he asks about me, don't tell him anything." With that, she stormed down the hall as hastily as possible.

He wasn't going to run after her. He understood she needed time to let this sink in. "Excuse me." One of the nurses turned around. "Could you get Dr. Ashford for me? It regards the patient in Room 3."

"Of course. I'll locate him for you."

Tony looks up when the door to his room opened, immediately noticing the obvious. Pepper was gone and it upset him because even if he didn't know who she was, he couldn't shake this feeling in his heart that she was special to him.

Pepper found herself sitting outside the park near the hospital, lost in her thoughts. _What am I going to do? He doesn't remember me. What if he never remembers me? What if he never feels the same about me again? No, I, I shouldn't do this. I need to stay positive. I'm sure somewhere deep inside him, part of him remembers me. Like earlier. Anyone could see that worried expression on his face. It's not his fault. Now is not the time to desert him. He counted on you to be there before the operation and you're not the kind of person who gives up when the going gets tough. I can't leave. I can't. I have to talk to him even if it hurts. Even if I'm a stranger. Because as hard as it will be for me, it'll be twice as hard on him. He needs my support._ Quite more than she could imagine.

"Could you just tell me who that girl was?" Tony asked, irritated by the fact that his best friend was dodging all his question; especially when it pertained to the red head. "Just give me a fucking name."

"Pepper, alright?" Rhodey exasperated. If telling him will keep him quiet, great. His memory might be a bit hazy, but one thing that hasn't changed was his temperament.

"Pepper," he repeated, letting the name sink in. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. "Pepper what?"

"It doesn't matter what her last name is. It's been three hours. You still don't recognize her."

"Okay, and your point is..."

"Stop asking. Go to sleep."

"I'm not tired," he huffed.

"But I am, so goodnight."

"Is Pepper my girlfriend?"

Rhodey leaned all the way back in his chair and groaned.

With a shaky breath, she knocked on the door just moments before he could annoy Rhodey with more pestering questions. _You need to deal with this._ _Don't_ _run. Don't run,_ she told herself one last time. "Hey." She smiled even if she felt it was the last thing she wants.

"Are you my girlfriend?" he asked, getting straight to his intentions.

"Hey, I didn't tell him anything," Rhodey retorted defensively as Pepper turns to look at him.

"Could the both of you stop talking like I'm not in the room? I'm right here! Like is it too much to ask for the guy who just had major brain surgery to be acknowledged?"

"Alright, just relax," Rhodey said as the sound from one of the monitors sped up.

"Listen to him. The last thing we need is your blood pressure rising," Dr. Ashford warned as he walked in, Maria and Howard following behind. "I understand there's a problem." He grabbed Tony's chart from the foot of the bed. "But let's not jump to conclusions until we evaluate the situation." He has treated thousands of patients over the course of his career and he had a feeling this was about one of two things, memory or motor skill loss. At times: both.

"You've been drifting in and out of sleep. I was wondering when you were going to wake up."

Tony gave his mom a warming smile. "I feel a lot better." And that was the truth.

Howard asked, "So the swelling is down?"

"Yes, and it'll continue to do so," Dr. Ashford replied. "But what we need to focus on now is helping him recover. Our first step is to help him up, get him moving. It's not uncommon for patients to have muscle weakness on one side of their body. Because his tumor was on the left, his right side is affected. I'm sure you noticed yourself, Tony, that you might have some limited range of mobility, be it with your arm or your leg. Or both. A physiotherapist will access your situation and he or she will figure out the best form of treatment as I'm not an expertise in that field myself. Your balance will be a bit poor, it'll take time, but from what I hear, you did well on your walk back to your room, so it is my belief in a couple weeks, everything will be back to normal, provided we get 100% effort. We can only help so much; the rest is up to you. Remember, limitations and frustrations do not go hand in hand."

Dr. Ashford went on to explain to his parents why he wanted him to stay for a little while longer and he couldn't care less. Pepper had taken a seat in the chair on the other side of the room. He noticed her necklace and frowns. It looked beautiful, expensive...not from him. A heart was crafted in pink gold and surrounding it were brown diamonds and a ruby stone. The realization hit him that maybe she wasn't his girlfriend after all. There was no reason for a girl like her to be interested in a person like him. She was the serious relationship type. He was the opposite of that.

"I'm going to ask you a series of questions and I need you to answer them to the best of your ability. There are a lot of people in this room who only want you to get better and I know it is instinct to go to them for help, but I'd urge you not to. It's crucial no one speaks. The answers need to come from him alone." When everyone in the room agreed, he proceeded. "Tell me your name. Your date of birth."

"Anthony Edward Stark. May 29th."

"Where are you enrolled in college?"

"MIT. And the year is 2016, those are my parents, and he is Platypus. Are we finished?"

"Do you know who this young woman is?" Dr. Ashford asked, looking at Pepper. It was the only person int he room his patient didn't mention.

"Pepper."

"Where did you both meet then?"

He opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out expect hesitation. He didn't have an answer to that. Where did they meet? How did he know her? He wanted everyone to leave so he could talk to her alone.

"In high school. Junior year," Pepper spoke, wishing it would jog his memory.

"High school," Dr. Ashford repeats. "What happened in high school that was traumatic?"

"I broke my arm."

"Hey, don't be a smart ass," Howard scolded. "This is serious."

"Then I don't know, alright? I don't even care," he told everyone in the room. He was frustrated with the line of questioning and he was frustrated at himself because he couldn't procure the right answers.

"You were involved in a warehouse explosion," Maria said to her son.

"What?!" It was the first time he's heard of it.

"Everyone just stop talking," Dr. Ashford said in a raised voice. "This is not the proper way to go about fixing the situation. I wouldn't say he has amnesia, but he does have memory loss for specific portions of his life, my guess is around 2011-2014. Situations like these can be temporary, permanent, or unpredictable in nature. He could wake up tomorrow with his memory intact. Our best hope is to monitor him for the next twenty four hours. If there is an explainable reason, it would be the swelling. He's scheduled for cognitive testing, so until then, and I understand it's difficult, but don't worry too much. Start by being understanding and do not under any circumstance do anything to rise his blood pressure or stress him out. We cannot risk increased intracranial pressure. His brain is working hard to heal itself; unless you want to provide a hinderance in his recovery, I suggest you all keep calm."

"Maybe we can continue this line of questioning later," Maria suggested. She didn't want people asking Tony a million questions in every different direction if it could be prevented.

Dr. Ashford nodded. "I was going to advise the same thing. Why don't we all leave the room and let him sleep?"

His parents agree, but not before assuring their son they would be a call away if he needs anything. Dr. Ashford leaves with Howard and Maria, leaving the three young adults in the room again.

"We should get going," Rhodey spoke. "Aside from being a pain in the ass, I'm glad you're awake. I'll bring you some burgers next time."

"And milkshakes, too. Strawberry."

Tony watches as Pepper makes her way to leave as well. For some reason he stops her, grabbing her hand. He is not sure how to ask her to stay, but maybe this small act said what he couldn't.

A puzzled look crosses her face and she turned to look at him. He was looking at her like he was trying to figure out who she was and it was painful to see Tony in such a position.

"I just want some answers. Rhodey won't tell me who you are, and we've known each other since high school?"

"Yeah, we did. We had homeroom together and you came up to me because I was the new kid, but I knew there was also an ulterior motive. You, being yourself, tried to make a move on me, but failed. Somewhere along, both of us became friends." She wasn't going to give too much of their history away. Doing so would overwhelm him like Dr. Ashford said.

"So you aren't my girlfriend."

"No, I'm not," Pepper replied. Her throat felt tight at the words and she hated herself for leaving out crucial details, but she didn't lie to him. In the technical sense, what she just said was true. Up until now, they've only talked about the possibility of trying again. Being a couple or being boyfriend and girlfriend wasn't a proper label for them.

"Oh," he muttered, not knowing what to think of that. He genuinely thought there was something there.

"But I am someone who cares deeply about you, so maybe you should get some rest," Pepper suggested.

"You keep grabbing that necklace around your neck," he observed as she did it again. "Who's that from?"

Pepper didn't even know she was doing it until he had mentioned it. She looked down at the necklace he had given her for Valentine's Day. "Someone I used to know."

Obviously she still cared for him if she wore it.

"We'll talk later." She squeezed his hand that he hadn't let go of the entire time and smiled. In the back of her mind, a voice was telling her if she were in this situation, she would want the truth. She hoped he wouldn't end up hating her.

"Can you stay until I fall asleep?" Should he had asked that of her?

"Sure," she replied on autopilot. She pushed aside everything she was thinking about and sat in the chair beside his bed. He had looked at her with this pain and vulnerability in his eyes and she couldn't say no to that.


	7. Two Worlds Apart

"Why are you being difficult?" His head automatically whirled to the door upon hearing her voice. His mouth cracks into a smile and she can't help but feel warm inside. It's a relief of sorts to see such a reaction from him.

"Hey," he cheerfully greeted.

Pepper shook her head. "Hi."

"How come no one told me you were coming?" He was a little mad about that. If he'd been told before hand, he could have made himself presentable.

"Well, I thought I should surprise you."

He smiled. "I happen to like surprises."

She could see the twinkle in his eyes as he spoke and for a moment she had forgotten he has no recollection of her, but the feeling was soon replaced by an unfamiliar voice of another presence that was in the room with them. "He seems to like you. See if you can get him to do his exercises," the physical therapist frustratingly stated. "I'm done." She didn't get paid enough to handle a patient this problematic, never mind the fact that she is the sixth therapist he has gotten rid of.

The second the middle-aged woman left the room, he said, "That's number six."

"Why are you being difficult?"

"Because I can," he retorted.

"Tony..." She said it with a sublet hint of disapproval.

"She was mean. Kinda bossy. Not attractive. But you are," he plainly stated. "Can you be my therapist?"

Pepper ignored his flirtation, but responded in a way that will keep their banter alive. "I'm not certified."

"Technicalities. I can fix that."

Oh, she bet he could. "Don't."

He pouted a little. "Why not?"

Wait. Was he serious? He looked visibly hurt as she said no to his suggestion.

He finally let out a smile to let her know he was kidding.

"You're such an idiot." She couldn't believe she had fallen for that. Correction. She was the idiot. Although she was a little embarrassed, their situation seemed to ease her mind. His child-like qualities hadn't disappeared in the slightest. In fact, nothing about him has changed. The doctor did confirm selective memory loss, specifically high school. The last three years of it. Maria informed her of the news just minutes ago. She didn't ask, but maybe it could be because of the trauma he'd experience around that time. He'd been caught in a warehouse explosion. His parents had faked their own deaths for weeks. It was horrible, the situations he had been put through. So, yes she did understand there reason to want to forget, but that left her in an unfortunate situation and there is nothing she can do about it.

"I woke up the other night but you weren't there," he brought up, changing the subject and tone of the conversation. Visiting hours were still in effect, but he was questioning why he cared so much that she left. He guessed he was just disappointed. Part of him thinks she's not being honest about who she is or what she means to him. It's an assumption at best, but he's behind his assumption one hundred percent.

"I know," she softly said to him. Everything about that night was overwhelming. She wasn't going to make justifications for leaving, but she had been in an incredible stressful situation all things school related and at that point, all her mind wanted was sleep, but to also take a step back. It scared her how great of a desire she had to help get him through this. From the start. Here was a man who she had not thought about in years and she had to ask herself if it hadn't been for the circumstances, would they be here? Would she be here? Would she be willing to give him a chance? No, she wouldn't. That's how she felt as he left her standing in the street after their run in just days earlier. Days before she'd been informed of the battle he's been up against since her absence. She's always known they could have made it. That much is true. He's not perfect, far from it, but there's potential for amazing things, so why should it be ruined by memories of their past when only the future mattered? He might not be the same person she once knew, but he was still Tony and the connection between them continues to exist. There is no way she would let the light burn out.

"Can we talk about something? It's really important."

He noted the serious undertone and nodded. Maybe he didn't need to be the one to bring this up after all.

"First, I want you to squeeze this ball for me." She picked the small circular object off the bed and offered it to him. She was going to see if he would do this for her.

"I can't."

"Tony, that doesn't mean you should give up."

"You don't get it. I can't," he frustratedly said.

"Yes, and I understood you the first time, but you're not going to get better if this is the attitude you have going into ti. You do want to leave this place, don't you?"

Tony sighed. She wasn't going to let this go unless he did what she asked for. He opened his hand and let her place the ball in his palm. His fingers flexed to touch the ball, but he failed to squeeze it, which was the entire point of the exercise.

"I'll help you," Pepper softly said. She knew in situations like these Tony felt like a failure and it was important to steer him away from that.

He kept focus. She was grasping his fingers with hers, helping him squeeze and release the ball in five second intervals. "I don't remember you at all. Rhodey said we talked before the operation and I can't remember that too." But, to be fair, the past couple days were a daze to him.

"We ran into each other at a coffee shop and I spilled your drink all over your shirt. You weren't too happy about it until you saw it was me."

"So after high school we lost touch."

"Before then. You left for New York."

"Oh," he said in thought. For some reason, he knew there was some sort of negative connotation linked to that.

"Squeeze." She was keeping his fingers in a grasp for him. He did his best to. She smiled when she felt him squeeze the ball for two seconds for letting go. "In high school, for the first few months, I had a boyfriend. We'd been having issues, and when I moved to Malibu, you turned into one of them. I don't know if this is the best way to put it, but I happened to be really selfish in relationships. I saw problems as the other's fault and shifted blame to anyone I could besides myself. We got along fine apart because he went to Harvard, but once in awhile he'd fly in and visit; that's when everything wen't wrong. Most of the time we fought and I used you as an escape. Looking back on it, I shouldn't have done that, but I did, and I can't change the past. There was a connection between us we both ignored and it got to the point where we just couldn't anymore. You fought with my ex and I confronted you about it and that is when you kissed me."

"But you still chose him over me, didn't you?"

"I did, but out of fear. You have to understand that around that time, relationships, being attached to someone, wasn't your thing. You preferred the one night stand and forget the next deal. I know you still do." Tony didn't say anything because she was right. He didn't believe in love so why waste time on that? "There were a lot of hurtful words exchanged. You came that weekend to apologize. You were understanding and it disappointed me because I thought you would at least fight harder for me. The warehouse explosion brought us together, but we never recovered from the decibel that was your parents faking their deaths. We were going downhill and we figured letting go was easier than trying to make it work so you moved to New York and we split up and neither of us contacted the other since."

"That's sad," he admitted, cutting the tension in the room.

"It is, huh?"

"Yeah, it is," he grumbled. Everything was making sense. He understood now the reason why Pepper had left so abruptly once he had woken up. She's a stranger and to her he's anything but. Thinking about that felt like a stab to his heart. He couldn't even begin to imagine how she felt. To put on a brave face, to put aside her feelings just so she could be here. Why would she put herself through this?

He's clearly upset and she can tell. She doesn't know what to do so she's going to follow his lead. She had only cast her gaze down for a second when she heard glass shattering. She jumped out of her seat. He mumbled sorry, but it lacked sincerity. "Tony, clam down. It takes time. I know it's hard, but getting upset is not going to help."

He attested back, and looked her dead in the eyes. "How can I not get upset about this? Tell me." She held his gaze, but didn't speak so he continue on with his tirade. "Because knowing this, it makes me feel like a dick. Like I didn't care enough to remember you. Us. Everything we had. Aren't you the least bit mad about this? Because I am. Because-" He stopped talking. He couldn't find the words to express how he's feeling.

"This isn't your fault," she tried to explain to him.

"I don't want to talk about this. Look, you probably don't even want to be here, so let me make this easy for you. You can go."

Now she's confused. What?

"You have better things to do than watch me try to squeeze a ball."

"Tony, me being here isn't a waste of time." This was classic Tony. She can clearly see him separating himself from his feelings.

"It's that and much more," he disputes, staring at her. His eyes were distant and they were lacking that happiness from before.

"I'm not leaving. That's it."

"Then you're okay with the way things are? You're okay with being around someone who doesn't even remember who the hell you are? Who doesn't care about you the same way you do him? I mean, why would you want that? Because even I wouldn't want that for you," he said. "Look, you're hot. You're my type, but if you're looking to rekindle something by being here, I'm not interested. You're right, relationships don't appeal to me. I want nothing to do with it. There's this part of me that cares, but other than that, I have no attachment to you, so if you decide to stay, fine. Be my guest. But I'm gonna tell you right now though, you're not going to get anything out of this expect heartache and disappointment."

She knows he probably doesn't mean that, but it didn't hurt any less. The words she wants to say to him never reaches the surface and her jaw sets. She's admitting defeat. He needs space and she's going to give it to him. He hasn't moved a muscle or changed the cold facial expression he has on. She just about walked out the door, but something stops her and she turns back to look at him. "You know, Tony, I get you don't remember me. I get this is frustrating, but pushing away the person who wants nothing more but to help you isn't the way to handle it. I don't care if I don't mean thing to you. I don't care if I'll never again because I can live past that. But what I can't live with is not trying to do something about it. I promised I'd be there for you the second I could and I intend to keep my word. The only problem is you're not letting me. The way you're acting now...this person sitting in front of me, the person who's guarded, who has this wall up to protect himself from letting me in, I've met him. I know he's better than this. He knows he is better than this. And that person I'm talking about, I know he hears me. I know because he was here fifteen minutes ago. He smiled at me the second I walked into the room and I'm leaving here believing he's going to wake up and realize no matter what happened, all I want is what is best for him."


	8. Catching Feelings

_**musicmixer08** : check your PM!_

 _It's been_ _difficult writing this, but you guys are the greatest! Thank you so much for your comments._

* * *

It was her first day back at UCLA and this was her last class of the day. She hoped the TA would let them out early, but from what her friends in other sections said, she would not count on it. With a sigh, she walks into the building, dredging the smell. Because the building was connected to the chemistry hall, it reeked of reactions and unpleasantness. Never mind the fact that it smelled like wet paper as well. The lights were dim and she guessed one perk was that her class is located on the second floor. She took the stairs, breathing in the fresh air as sunlight hit her face. Her class was at 2:20pm. She was a bit early, though she liked being early on the first day of class. No one was outside and instead of sitting on the ledge in the winter cold, she tired to open the door; unfortunately for her it was locked. The cement floor it was. She leaned against the pillar before pulling her phone out to pass time.

"2:10. Great." Suddenly the idea of arriving early seemed terrible.

Two minutes later and she hears one of the doors in the hall open. She looked up and her curiosity peaked when she only sees the face of her body, her head sticking out, as if she was checking if the coast is clear or not. The head twisted in her direction and she quickly went back to her phone, pretending to be none the wiser. She glanced over again upon hearing voices. She thinks a male voice saying 'yeah, the door can be unlocked.' She shivered at the thoughts that ran through her mind. If what she is thinking is true, she's disgusted. People used that classroom to teach and learn...not to satisfy raging hormones.

She didn't catch the male's figure or face, but she assumed he was their TA. She's never even met him, but she already dislikes him on another level. The girl walks in direction of the stairs and disappears. It was only a few minutes later that people started lining up. Some individually, some together. She waited several seconds longer before getting up and heading toward her class.

"Hi, this is the 2:20 section for physics?"

Pepper nodded to the girl who had just sat next to her. "You wouldn't happen to know who the TA is?"

"No," the girl answered. "This section's the only one without a name next to it. I guess we'll find out."

"Darn. I'm Pepper."

"Tiffany," she responded as they shook heads.

"You want to work together?"

She smiled. "That'd be great."

"I don't know about you, but I dislike physics."

"Same!"

Both of them laugh and the room suddenly went quiet when the TA entered the room from the adjacent door and cleared his throat. That's when her heart fell to the floor. Wasn't he in Manhattan? Or school? But here he was standing in front of her. At her school. Teaching the class she was enrolled in.

"Yeah, I'm Tony Stark," he said, answering the curious mumbled conversations. "Let's move on. Couple things before we talk about the class. One: don't come to my office to flirt. Do that and I will make good on the promise of decreasing your grade by 8%. Yeah, eight. Why? Because I'm serious. From experience, I know students count on lab to replace a flunked midterm and that's not happening. I mean, if you'd like to start class with a 92%, then, yeah, be my guest. Challenges are great, but let's face it, none of you are on the level of intellect I am, so be smart. Especially since there's no curve. Second, if I see you take a picture, I'll smash the phone to a billion pieces." He paused for a second to see if he had anything else to add. _Guess not._ Time for class to start.

"Chris Amber," Tony called out as he read the first name off the roster. Once he matched the name with the face, he moved on. He would never remember their names, but he liked to give off the impression that he was trying.

And then he came down to Pepper's name. "Virginia Potts?"

Pepper buried her face in her hands. Would it be okay if she pretended to be absent? That way he could mark her as a no show and she could go back home to see what other sections were available for her time schedule? But, before she could stop herself, she spoke.

"Uh, where?" He heard the voice, but hadn't seen the individual.

"Here," Pepper said, her hand raised this time.

He locked in with the girl in the middle of the room and froze. That was Pepper, that wasn't Virginia. Anger bubbled to the surface, but he remained calm, and was the first to break eye contact. "Oh," he muttered. Over twenty different sections and she was enrolled in this one. Twenty different sections and he'd been assigned to this one. What the hell? He continued down the list, but he could feel her staring at him, just wanting him to look back at her, but he wouldn't. What was the point? To allow her the chance to deceive him? Like she did three weeks ago? No, he wouldn't be so stupid. Not again.

The room thinned out after he dismissed the class. With a sigh, he grabbed the papers off the table and sorted them into a neat stack before shoving them into his backpack. His arm was still working its way back to 100%. At least now he was trying to get better. Let's just say he isn't a fan of being told what to do.

Pepper said her goodbyes to Tiffany and lingered a second longer when she saw several pens roll out of his backpack and onto the floor. He was talking with one of the students and hadn't noticed. The both of them hadn't seen each other since that night and she couldn't help herself as she walked up to him.

"Tony, I..."

He cut her off. "No. I don't wanna hear it. Get out of here."

"Why are you being like this?"

He let out an incredulous scoff. Like she didn't know. Right.

"You can't still be upset about me not telling you about us. It's been three weeks, Tony. Get over it."

"Get over it?" His voice dripped of sarcasm. "Sure. I'll go ahead and tell myself to work on that for you. Is there anything else I should do while I'm at it?" She didn't respond to the question. "No? Then I think we're done here."

* * *

"You really think pushing her away is the best thing to do?" He could smack his best friend over the head if it weren't for the circumstances. "Hurting her?"

"She did it first."

"So you're going to play it on technicalities? Listen, I'm not saying what she did was right, but what you're doing now, it's not the right way to handle this."

They took a seat at a booth and ordered sodas as the waitress introduced herself before setting their menus on the table.

"Do you want to remember her?"

Tony tried to ignore the question.

"I think you do; you're just afraid to cross the line. You think because you're not the same guy anymore that what you used to have with her isn't there either and it's not true. I mean, yeah, you don't remember who Pepper is, but you're still drawn to her and it means something. Maybe everything. I'm sure she had a reason why she didn't tell you, other than deceiving you, but if you don't give her the chance to explain, you'll never know the answer you're searching for. Without opening up, you'll only be wondering about 'what if's.' Do you want to live with that? Do you want to see some guy walking her to class and she's laughing at his jokes when it should be yours? You know that's what's going to happening if you sit here and do nothing. You'll regret pushing her away, you'll regret not being able to put your pride aside, and you'll regret never trying to begin with."

"Why do you have to say it like that?"

"Because who else is gonna tell you?"

 _Not a_ _single_ _person,_ he thought as their waitress returned to ask if they were ready to order. He chose a burger and fries.

Rhodey chose the same. Hopefully this will all work out. He was crossing his fingers. Sometimes people needed a push in the right direction.

"So tell me about this thing you've got with Kristin."

"It's not a thing," Tony replied as the waitress left after setting their food down. "She's my therapist." His friend look at him questionably and he rolled his eyes. "She's married. I'm not putting myself into that drama."

"That the only reason?"

"Yeah. Why you would think otherwise is ridiculous." He knew why Rhodey was asking, but he ignored the implication. "Besides, Pepper doesn't want me."

"But you want her, right?"

"I shouldn't," Tony stated.

"She's the best thing that's happened to you. She still is. You cannot let her slip past you a second time."

"She's a stranger, that's all she is to me. Whatever we had, I don't remember. I don't care to remember."

"If that's true, then there is no reason for this girl to piss you off so much," Rhodey replied. "Am I right?"

Tony sunk back into the cushions and threw the fry he was holding onto the table. He was getting a headache from talking about this.

"Oh," Rhodey suddenly spoke as he tried to seem surprised.

Let's just say it worked. For a second.

Tony sat his burger down and glanced behind him to see what the fuss was about. Heading their direction was a red head and he couldn't help noticing how coincidental the timing was. "You're a fucking asshole." He'd been set up by his best friend.

"Just talk to her," Rhodey plead.

"No," he stated in anger. His friend had no right to do this. So, no, he wouldn't talk to her. He wouldn't try. He wouldn't play along. All he was going to do was leave. "Go to hell. You had no right to do this. Next time stay out of my fucking business." As soon as he turned to leave, his body collided with Pepper. He had hit her hard and he stepped back immediately to ask if she was okay or not.

She was caught off guard to say the least. Not only by the collision, but by Tony being here.

"Sorry. I didn't see you coming."

"It's okay, Tony, really. I'm fine."

He sighed and headed towards the exit.

Pepper wanted to stop him, but chose to instead let him leave before turning to Rhodey with an exasperated look. "I told you where I worked in confidence. You shouldn't have brought him here."

"Could you blame him? You did desert him when he needed you the most."

Now that rubbed her the wrong way. "I deserted him? He made me leave!"

"Look, I'm not justifying his actions. I-"

"You were about to. And before you tell me I had to know he didn't mean it, don't. I don't care if he meant it or not. He said it."

"Tony remembers you telling him that you were willing to try again. Apparently when you told him about who you were, you made it sound like the past was the past and the both of you just happened to run into one another."

"We did just happen to run into each other," she deadpanned.

Rhodey sighed from exhaustion. Here came the technicalities.

"He flipped out when I told him about high school. It didn't take more than a few minutes for him to say anything he could to get me to leave. If he's blaming me for not fully telling him the truth, fine. I'll admit that's my fault, but he needs to admit me telling him would have made the situation a lot worse."

"And I agree with you, but Tony's got it in his head that you didn't tell him because you don't want him anymore."

"Is he serious?" She could not believe he'd think that. "How shallow does he think I am?"

"That's the thing, Pepper. He knows nothing. He's been beating himself over this since you left. He feels horrible."

"What do you want me to do? I can't be in his life if he doesn't want it."

"Tony does want it. You know him, he'll do anything to admit he doesn't need your help."

"And how long do I have to wait until he admits he does want my help? Weeks? Months?"

"Let me talk to him. That's all I'm asking."

She nodded and softened her tone as she spoke. "Look, I'm not trying to be difficult, but this is just as hard on me. When he looked at me and asked me who I was, my heart shattered into pieces. I'd been so concerned about him pulling through this that I didn't even think he might come out of it with no memory of me. I wanted to disappear that day. It would have been easy, you know? The guy doesn't remember who I am, it wouldn't be difficult. But I told myself, I told him, that I would be there every step of the way and I tried up until the second he told me to leave. So I did. I gave him what he wanted and the way he's treating me now is deserved, but it's also, to a point, unjustifiable, and I won't stand here and take it from him. As much as I'd like to be with him, I can't be around the person he's becoming. I know the person he is becoming and I want nothing to do with that. Maybe it's an act to push me away, but I refuse to stand here and wait for him to get with the program. I've spent three years without him. I can go back to doing that. It'll hurt, but I'll get through it. More than anything, all I want is for him to get better, and if that doesn't include me being in his life, fine. Because then at least he'll be happy and that's what everyone should want for him."

She can feel the tears welling up in her eyes and she tells herself that means it's time to go. Little did she know he's been behind her the entire time and he's heard every single word she's said.


	9. Changing The Station

The silence was deafening. She continued to meet his gaze, but only because she couldn't bring herself to look away. Part of her wanted to run for the exit so she would no longer feel his piercing stare, but she advised herself against doing that. There's no hiding from this, what had been said had been said. She couldn't shove it into a crevasse. All she could hope was for him to understand.

He was the first to soften his expression to her surprise. His mouth twitched almost indistinguishably and he cleared his throat. He'd just forgotten his keys, but he could nonetheless feel how crazy his heart's beating as he tried to take in exactly what he had heard. His eyes search hers as he tried to think of something to say, something to cut the silence. Though what words, he's unsure.

"I, uh, forgot my keys," he quietly muttered as he finally moved his legs.

"Tony." He turned to glance at his friend upon hearing him call his name.

Rhodey nodded his head to Pepper's direction, implying he should say something. Anything.

"Yeah, I know," Tony said before turning back to look at Pepper just to find she had already left. He let out a deep breath and ran after her. "Hey, Pep, wait!" He could see her hesitating to stop and turn around, but luckily Pepper did. "You're right," he stated. "I'm sorry. I was an ass. A big one. You didn't deserve it." He shrugged apologetically and pointed at his head. "It's just blank in here. I'm angry. I'm frustrated." _I feel like it's my fault I can't remember and I feel guilty about putting you in this position._ "I remember bits and pieces of us spending time together days before the surgery. Us kissing and talking about trying to start something up again after things settle down. You were never given the chance to fully tell me the truth and I know that. I guess as I remembered all that stuff, part of me felt like I couldn't trust you and I started having doubts. If you didn't tell me about this, what else didn't you tell me about, you know?" But there is something about her that draws him in and it is something he does not want to get rid of. He remembered the way she had smiled at him once she saw he had woken up and he wanted to see that smile on her face once again.

"My intentions were never to lie to you."

"What you did was deceitful," he stated.

"It might've been, but there's nothing we can do about it. Not anymore."

"I don't want to argue." He averted his gaze for a second to collect his thoughts. "I thought about what you said before you left. About 'me being better than this' and I am. If it's not too late, I wanna do this. I can't promise you I'll be good at it, but-"

"It's not about being good at it. It's about the effort that you put into it."

"And I can do that."

"This isn't some sort of game, is it? Because if it-"

"I swear it's not," he replied with the most serious expression he can give.

And from the look in his eyes, Pepper knew he was telling the truth, that he wanted this just as much as she did. She gave him a smile. "I'm going to have to ask you to tell me you were wrong again."

"Nope, once's already too much," Tony quipped. "I can't tarnish my cred."

She quirked a brow. "Your cred? Please delete that from your vocabulary."

"Don't be jealous that you can't pull off that word like I can." He watched as she rolled her eyes and something about that action seemed oddly familiar. "Do you always do that? Roll your eyes at me?"

"Depends," Pepper teased.

"I think I remember that."

She smiled. "And you'll remember a lot more in time. I'll help you fill in the gaps."

"Yeah? That'd be great," he contently said as he followed Pepper's lead and walked beside her on the sidewalk. "So the kiss we shared..."

"Was just that," she elaborated for him.

Tony frowned. He didn't like the answer.

Pepper chuckled at his response. "You're such a dork."

"I'm not a dork. I'm cute and adorable."

"And hard to maintain."

"That's rude. Why do you make me sound like a pet?"

"Cause in many ways you are one. Trust me on that."

"I can get used to this," he said with a smile as he pointed a finger back and forth between them. "So if you want to make out or..."

"Hold hands..."

"Are you serious? You make guys work for it, don't you? You're bad. I would bet money on it."

"I guess you'll just have to find out," Pepper taunted.

He squinted his eyes as he glanced at her. Alright. If she was up for games, he'd be the player. And the rule breaker. Cause let's face it, challenges are his thing.

"Not that it's important, but I thought you had gone back to school."

"I think I would be if I wasn't such a hassle during physical therapy."

She was not the least bit shocked.

"And mom stays the entire time."

"She does not," she said in shock.

"Yeah...I don't want to upset her."

"She's using it to her advantage."

"She shouldn't have to worry more than she has to. I should be a good kid for her. She deserves that after everything."

Pepper smiled. That was a nice gesture on his part. She always thought you could tell a lot about a guy by the way he treated his mother. It surprised her how close they were given the circumstances. He was alone for most of his childhood, but it didn't seem to affect their relationship at all. He never yelled or talked back. He treated her with the utmost kindness and he seemed to listen and do what he's told even if he doesn't agree with it because above all he wants her to be happy.

"Is this where you live?" He asked because they were approaching an apartment complex. "My car was parked right where we were standing two minutes ago."

"I know, but exercise is good for you."

"Not as a means of transport. Pep, I-"

"No, I don't need a car," Pepper interrupted, stopping him.

"Oh, I..." He was taken aback by her abruptness. How did she know?

"It's sweet that you would want to do that for me, but I don't need it. Really. Get that through your head. I don't want to wake up tomorrow morning and have some ridiculous car waiting for me once I come out of the apartment."

"Sure. Idea's in the trash then," he said.

"Thanks." At least this version of him was better at listening than the previous one.

"Course." He only wanted to help, but if she didn't need it, fine. He would not push.

"Is this what we're doing then?" She shot him a confused look. "Moving slow? Uh, if it can be like real slow, that'd be great. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that we dated in high school so if we could just go like one step at a time kind of deal, I'd appreciate it. I want to remember who you are, I want to remember everything about us, but I can't be sure I'll ever remember and it sorta frustrates me because right now you're just this girl I'm into and we have all this history between us. And, speaking of being with you, I'm taking a gigantic risk with this. There is this TA/student thing that's frowned upon and I got this detailed lecture about it from the school dean. Should we be doing this?"

"Okay," Pepper responded with a laugh. "This is definitely new."

"What's new?" Now it was his turn to give her a confused look.

"That. You used to not care about stuff like breaking the rules."

"Well, I still don't. I just don't want you to get in trouble," Tony explained.

"I'll be fine," Pepper assured. It was sweet of him to think that.

"Alright," he smiled. "Is this the part where I go?" He asked because they had come to a stop in front of an apartment door and she was fishing for something in her purse.

"No, you can stay," she responded.

As soon as they walked in, someone spoke. "There you are! I was about to get worried."

"I ran into a problem."

"Hey!" He was beginning to notice the jabs were a constant occurrence. Not that he minded. He guessed this might be one part to their relationship that made them work. The banter. He really liked it.

"Relax, genius." Pepper's friend spoke. "She's joking."

Tony turned his head to the brunette and furrowed his brows. Who is this girl?

"Morgan," she told him. "It's Morgan. And I'd remember that too if I were you. Because if you ever decide to marry her, make cute babies with her, and all that, you're gonna need my seal of approval."

"Morgan!" Pepper exclaimed.

"What? It's the truth."

"Just pretend she doesn't exist. I do that constantly."

"Ooh," Morgan cooed interestedly as the two lovebirds head for Pepper's room.

The red head shook her head as Tony listened in bemusement as Morgan asked if they were about to make out or fool around. The two are polar opposites. Morgan had no filter. Pepper had nothing but filters. "You guys have a weird relationship," he said.

"That's my best friend for you. She's out there, but I love her. She's the best."

He smiled and took a look around to get a feel of what Pepper liked and her sense of style. There were a lot of magazines on her desk, so he knew she cared about fashion, glamour, all that sort of stuff. Her room was clean. There was nothing out of place.

"Nothing should seem familiar to you," she spoke as she watched him. "I left everything back in Malibu and brought new stuff once I moved in the apartment. Actually, wait. There's this." She headed over to her bed and pointed at the large elephant by the corner. "You won that for me on our first date. It's comfortable. I like having it here because it creates this spot that makes it a perfect place to snuggle into during the night."

"You always keep memorabilia of your exes around?"

She could tell by the tone of his voice that he completely ignored the point of her confession. Apparently an unbelievable look crossed her face because he noticed what she was non-verbally saying.

"What? I'm curious."

"Just how many guys do you think I've dated, Tony?"

"Um..." He fidgeted where he stood.

"And, no, I don't. It's just I really liked this elephant, the person who got it doesn't matter so much. That's how I feel about everything that's ever been given to me by a past boyfriend. It's the symbol that matters. Like a person who went to Disneyland for the first time. You get a hat or something and you keep it because you want to remember that day and the fun you had. Does that make sense to you? Or a person who gets divorced. Just because you decide to separate doesn't mean you have to burn the wedding dress or drive down to the ocean so you can toss your ring into the ocean."

He can see the point she's trying to make. "I didn't mean to make you upset."

"I'm not upset. It's just the way you said it. Like you were judging me based-"

"I'm not judging you. I shouldn't be judging anyone with my past," he replied.

And there was no reason for her to use his past against him. "Let's forget this ever happened."

He nodded. "So..." He walked over to her bed and glanced at the stuffed elephant. Pepper said he won that for her on their first date. "Was it a bad first date?" He couldn't see himself making it a great one, but he couldn't see himself making it a terrible one.

"Well, you did pick me up an hour late, but I still had a fun time. Though I was sad at the end because you had left me on the front porch with just a kiss on the cheek." That was the first time he was hearing this. Ever.

"What?" That can't be right. No way would he be such an idiot and not go for the lips.

"But that-" He was cut off by Morgan calling her name from outside. Sighing, he watched as Pepper walked past him and out the room.

"Help me carry this inside my room."

She groaned.

"Get over here." Once Pepper did, she whispered, "What happened? First you tell me you guys are over and now you're joined at the waist. What's going on?" They carry the basket of clean laundry to Morgan's room and dump it onto her bed.

"He's my physics TA."

"Shut up. Seriously?"

"I felt my heart drop. I tried to talk to him after class and he wouldn't let me so I realized it could be because he remembered something I hadn't been entirely honest about. I stopped at the diner, you know, to get my check and he was there with a friend. He left the second he saw me and that's when Rhodey mentioned him recalling us agreeing to try again. He's upset about me not telling him the status of our relationship, but that's not my fault. At the hospital, he told me to go before I could. He came back because he forgot his keys and he overheard the last part of our conversation. He must have realized I brought up a valid point. That I hadn't been given the chance to tell him. He apologized and said if it wasn't too late, he'd like to remember us, what we had together. I know how hard it is for him to admit he's wrong, so that's why I believed him. Because I want this to work as much as he does."

"I just don't want you to get hurt. He's got a habit of doing that to you," her best friend replied.

"I'll be fine. He's more cautious going into this than me. Cause like he said, I'm just a stranger."

"Yeah, and that's where the problem is. You guys could break up a month from now and it still wouldn't affect him as much as it will you, Pepper."

"I don't believe Tony's going to hurt me."

"Okay," Morgan responded with a soft smile. "But I'm just saying don't go into this with your eyes closed cause he is still Tony Stark: the playboy."

"I will. Can I go? Next time, if it's not serious, don't call me."

Morgan gave her a sarcastic 'haha' as she left to go back to her room.

When she got back to Tony, she found him in a situation she couldn't quite have guessed. Shaking her head, she asked herself _'what am I going to do with him?'_

* * *

 **Super apologies for the late update. Sometimes life gets in the way! Hopefully this chapter made some of you happy. I'm not sure where this is going myself, but it'll be fun to find out! Love you! Next update will be quicker :)**


	10. Late Night Spaces

"He's definitely not kidding around," Pepper told Morgan as she walked out of her room. "I can't believe he just fell asleep like that. It's so..."

"Unexpected?"

She thought about it. "I guess that's how you'd put it."

"He did look a bit tired."

"Yeah, maybe," she responded before sitting down at the kitchen table with her best friend. She was hoping to finish their conversation. They were in a good place, but it could be better. "It's so weird. He doesn't remember me. Not even a tiny bit, but he remembered I roll my eyes at him. He just can't connect me rolling my eyes at him to him being difficult or when he gives me some smart ass response to something I've said."

Morgan chose to see it in a positive light. "It's better than nothing."

Pepper stared at her friend and sighed. "Am I expecting too much?"

"No. You're entitled to be frustrated. It's how you handle it that matters."

"He blames himself for this, but I don't."

"Good, cause he needs someone by his side who's there just to help him."

"What if I'm not enough?" She frowned. "I'm just worried a couple weeks into this and he'll realize this is a mistake. Not me, particularly, what this is. I don't think he's fully aware that he's signed on for a relationship. I don't think it's crossed his mind and that can turn out to be a problem down the road. He said at the hospital himself he cares about me and that's the extent of it. That sorta scares me."

"Did you tell Tony this?"

"No, but he overheard." She took a small pause before changing the subject. "There was this girl. The door to the classroom was locked so I sat on the balcony and waited. Two minutes later and I hear it unlock and she's popping her head out to see if the coast is clear or not so she can head downstairs to exit the building. I can tell something happened."

"You didn't bring it up?"

"He doesn't owe me an explanation. Everything he did up until the diner, I can't hold it against him."

"But if you guys are going to do this, he does. You need to know who she is and what she is to him."

"Yeah, but knowing him, it's nothing serious." It couldn't be. This was Tony they were talking about.

"Then you shouldn't be scared."

"I'm not. I'll bring it up later, just not tonight. It's been a long day."

"Yeah; I've got homework. I'll see you tomorrow morning in class."

They both got up and headed towards their respective rooms. "Oh, don't forget to save me a seat. I might be late. It's a eight minute walk. I'm sure by the third week, the professor is going to hate me."

"I'm sure he hates anyone who decides to pick up the phone when he's lecturing."

Pepper let out a laugh and said goodnight before closing the door to her room. She kept her lights off and turned on her desk lamp before looking over at him. He was dead asleep. She turned on her Mac and sighed. Taking out each syllabus she received today she thought about which textbooks she had to purchase and which she could do without. She made a few quick purchases on Amazon before she got up to grab a fresh set of clothes. Maybe after a half hour shower, she'd try to wake him up. Since she had the master room, she made sure to close the door so that no noise will interrupt him as she did her nightly ritual.

Coming out nearly thirty minutes later as predicted, she tossed the dirty clothes in the hamper next to her. She approached her bed and gently sat beside his sleeping form before resting her hand on his arm. Shaking him, she said, "Tony, wake up." To her surprise, he unconsciously bats her hand away and proceeded to turn his body in the other direction. "Are you serious," she mumbled in disbelief. His head was now in the crook she had told him about. He made a small content sound as she frowned.

He must've felt it the second time around because he sleepily muttered, "Five more minutes, mom."

"Tony, I'm not your mom."

He still seemed a little confused of his whereabouts. "What?"

She watched him roll on his back with a small groan. She heard him mutter 'oh' a second later and assumed he remembered where he was at. He rubbed his eyes and let out a deep breath before looking at her.

"Sorry. I guess I..." He was embarrassed. "...was tired." His cheeks turn slight red.

"It's fine," Pepper responded with a chuckle. "I just did not expect this. That's all."

"Whenever I have physical therapy, it sorta tires me out. All I want to do is sleep."

"You had therapy?"

"Uh, half an hour of it. It's how much I can handle before I quit paying attention."

"Still have that short attention span."

"Hey, that's mean." He sat up with a slight hint of a struggle, which she did catch. Though she chose not to say anything regarding it. "What time is it?" He looked around for a clock, but there was none.

"About ten o'clock."

"I guess I should go," Tony said with a clear of his throat.

"You're going to walk by yourself in the dark?" Not that it was unsafe because this was the time where student life was most active.

"Pepper, I think I can protect myself."

"It's not a matter of that. I know you're new here and you're not familiar with the streets."

He furrowed his brows in confusion. "What are you suggesting?" For him to stay the night?

"Maybe you can sleep on the couch tonight."

He did not bother to hide his distaste. "The couch? Pass."

"The floor?"

"Seriously?"

"Well, what else is there?"

Tony looked around himself to nonverbally point out the obvious.

"No."

"No? Cause you're the one making me stay here. I get the bed."

"That is not a good way for you to earn boyfriend points."

"Boyfriend points?" Did Pepper make that up? Was that a real thing? "Now you're being ridiculous."

Pepper sighed at how oblivious he was.

"What? You didn't just make that up?"

"No, I didn't."

"Hmm." Tony pondered in thought as one side of his lips twitched up.

"It's like a 'get out of jail free' card for something stupid you do in the future."

Now that made sense. "Oh, so like if we have a date and I came a hour late?"

"Yes," she cautiously responded.

"Oh, okay." He shot Pepper a quick smile and got off the bed. "There."

"Just like that?" She didn't believe him.

"Yeah, you're right. I should be a good boyfriend."

"Okay, so let me get this straight: you're not giving me the bed because you want to, you're giving it to me because it gives you a score on the board?"

"I thought that was the point. Isn't it?"

God, he had a lot to learn. "I don't want you just doing things to earn points."

She was getting a little angry. Even he could see. "Uh, what did I say wrong?"

"Let's say I go to a soccer game to support you, stayed the entire time, and three weeks later, you catch me in a lie. What if I go, 'oh, remember your game against Montana State? I just went so I could use it later when something like this came up. Would you be okay with that?"

"No," he automatically said. "Because-"

"Exactly." He nodded, letting that sink in. "And I'm not doing this because I-"

"You're doing it so you can set me on the right intention and I can't get mad about that, right?" He paused and answered his own question. "Yeah, I can't. Look, I'll sleep on the couch. It's fine. You have a soft pillow or something? I still have swelling and I shouldn't lie down on hard surfaces and that kind of thing."

"Oh, I totally forgot about that." She frowned. Maybe he could have the bed.

"Or we can share the bed," Tony nervously suggested.

She thought about it, but ultimately decided he wouldn't be comfortable with that idea. "You're okay with that?"

"Not really," he honestly replied.

So she was right, but she decided to poke fun of him a little. "Oh, so you're okay with us making out, but when it comes to us sharing a bed, PG rated, it's a problem?"

He rolled his eyes at her teasing.

"I'm kidding. Come on, it's okay. You'll be fine. I call the outside. I doubt you'll be awake at 7:30am."

"Guilty. Actually, there is lecture tomorrow, right? At..." His mind was drawing blanks. "8:00? No, 9-"

"10:20."

"I totally knew that," he quipped. "I was just making sure you did."

Pepper quipped back. "I'm sure."

"Is my presence required? I need to figure that out. Wait. You're in bed before eleven? That is weird."

She chuckled. "I'm sorry if I don't have the nightlife you're used to."

"I'm not really into that stuff anymore," he confessed to her with a shrug. "Parties and all that. I mean, I still like to go to parties and hang out, but not how it was before. But, whatever, doesn't matter."

She gave him a sympathetic smile. The cloud of silence rolled in and she cleared her throat. "You want to watch House of Cards?"

"House of Cards?" He's never heard of it.

"Yup." She grabbed her laptop from her desk. "Come on, we can watch a couple episodes together. I'm on the fifth chapter of the first season and it is amazing. You'll definitely get hooked on it. Promise."

Tony chuckled at her excitement. Sure. Besides, if it meant spending more time with Pepper Potts, he was game.

She rolled onto her back with a huff as her eyes snapped open. She grabbed her phone off her nightstand and squinted at the light. 3:14. _Great._ She was tired and if it wasn't for the person sleeping next to her, she'd be asleep. His back was to her, but he'd been tossing and turning throughout the portion of the night, having taken the covers with him as he did so. Good thing she remembered Tony was a sheet hog because otherwise she'd be freezing as well. She can see his arms wrapped around the stuffed elephant's leg, hugging it to his chest for what she guessed was comfort. Most of the blanket had transferred down to his waist, leaving the top half of his body exposed to the cold breeze blowing in through her semi-open window. Though combined with the room temperature, it provided a more than ideal bed arrangement.

He let out a small groan and turned onto his back. She wondered what was wrong and if he was having a bad dream or something because it would explain the constant movement from him. Concerned, she placed her hand softly on his shoulder and called his name. It shocked her how quick of a response she got.

"I can't sleep," he mumbled. His eyes peered open to the darkness and he tried his best to locate Pepper's face.

"Does this always happen?"

"No, I just have trouble sleeping in new surroundings. I'm sorry if I woke you up."

"It's alright." Though it really wasn't. She needed her sleep and if she didn't acquire an adequate amount, she would get cranky in the morning.

"Maybe I should just leave."

"No," she said all too quickly, which caused him to muster a confused look. Maybe it was the selfish part of her, but having him here and seeing for herself that he was alright after weeks of not having an update was relieving. "But if you decide to, I won't stop you." _Nice cover up, Potts._

"What time is it?"

"A bit after 3am."

That caused him to groan again. The thought of having to get up in less than seven more hours was excruciating. He felt her plop down next to her with a sigh. He had woken her up, but Pepper was too polite to say something about it. "Do you ever wonder what it's like to be a sheep?"

Her lips smile. "What are you talking about?"

"Well, they look fluffy and they can jump on clouds. I would do anything to get to jump on clouds. That sounds amazing. And fun."

She laughed. "You sound like you're stoned."

"My mind goes weird when it's tired. Counting doesn't work. Neither does music." Tony turned to look at her. "You know what does work? Sex."

She about choked on her next breath. "Sex?"

"Yeah." He kept his serious look in tact as he stared at her. "It's not like we haven't done it before. And I remember us almost doing it anyway."

Her breathing hitched as he leaned closer to her. She could feel his chest brush against the shirt she's wearing. His face was centimeters from hers and she could feel his breath against her ear. She had a feeling if she turned to stare at him, their lips would meet.

"No," she stated, shaking her head.

Of course he wasn't being serious, but it was fun teasing her. "Come on," he urged.

Pepper yelped once she felt his hand cup her inner thigh. Unbeknownst to Tony, his touch scared her but also ignited a certain spark within her.

"I know how to discharge a weapon. Just remember that."

"You have a gun in here? Do you have handcuffs as well?"

"You're disgusting." She turned her back to him and closed her eyes.

As she continued to lay there quietly, Tony frowned. His mind went to pause and he realized maybe he made her uncomfortable. He did not intend to do that. "I'm sorry." He was slightly embarrassed. He hardly knew her and he shouldn't have yanked her chain like he did.

Pepper turned to look at him and smiled just a bit.

"That's uncalled for. You had me think I actually-"

"What? I was just returning the favor...wasn't I?"

She knew from the beginning Tony was trying to put her in an uncomfortable position so he deserved this, but the feelings it brought out, that she couldn't had predicted in the slightest.

"I'm being serious! There's studies that prove this."

"Well, studies aside, I am not having sex with you."

"I bet you made me work hard for it the first time we slept together."

"I didn't make you work hard," she responded in a defensive fashion.

"Right," he nonchalantly said.

"It's just when we got together, I was still a..." She trailed off in hopes he can get the hint. "Unless it felt right, I didn't want to take that step."

All of a sudden, things took a serious turn and he creased his brows at her confession. "Was I your first boyfriend?"

"No. It's just the guys before-" She sighed, deciding to go another route. "I've only had three boyfriends. One was in middle school, the other two, you included, was in high school. Everyone has this one person they experiment with and that's what Brad was in the 7th grade. Nothing serious. Then I got to high school and I dated this guy that was a junior. I should have never done that. I was too young for a relationship with him, but I didn't know any better. He was really sweet and charming and he kept asking me out in class and one day I decided to say yes. We took it slow the first year and it wasn't until summer that he began pressuring me for sex and I was still 16 and I didn't feel like I could do that. He went to college, I moved to Malibu and that's when I met you. Robert, that's his name, we did the long distance and we'd always fight whenever he visited and I guess part of me was tired. I wanted out and I think I unknowingly used you to do that. Not something to be proud of, but that's alright with me. We got together because of that."

"What made you decide to take that step?"

"I trusted you," she simply said. "I still do."

He gave her a soft smile because that was all he could give her. He wished he could say the same thing to her, but he couldn't. He did however feel safe with her. Ever since their eyes met at the hospital.

Tony asked, "Have we ever done it in a Jacuzzi?"

"That is just-" She made a gross sound. "Gross."

"You'd like it," he teased. "We'll do it sometime."

"Keep dreaming, Tony."

"Dreams work for me." Once she heard that, she gave him a playful shove and giggled a little too loudly when he gently grabbed onto her wrist. His eyes met hers and time stood still. His hand is holding hers still and something inside him snaps. He gives up. He can't kiss her. He sees her inching towards him and he clears his throat suddenly and averts his gaze. He senses disappointment, but he tries to brush off it as him being unaware and lets go of her wrist.

"We should go to sleep. I don't wanna wake up all cranky."

"Yeah, sure," Pepper sadly responded. She watched as he turned to face the wall again.

With a frown, she turned her back towards him. He listened as she shuffled beside him and he berated himself. God, why did he have to make that so uncomfortable? It ruined everything.

* * *

 **I can't believe Tony chickened out like that! Am I right? What are your t** **houghts on this chapter? I'd really love to hear them :)**


	11. Swim In The Oceans

"I fucked up so bad." He put his face in his hands and groaned.

"You could always kiss her after class."

"Are you out of your mind? I can't do that."

"Why?"

"Why?"

"Yeah."

"Because it's a big deal!"

"It's just a kiss. You've done it before."

He sighed. "Never mind." He took the homework his class turned in yesterday during lecture and began to grade it according to his standards. No proof or thought meant automatic disqualification of points.

He ended the call with his best friend and almost fell off his seat as he leaned back. "Shit," he cursed, saving himself from falling. "Stupid stool."

Last night was a nightmare. He woke up this morning with the intent of explaining himself, but Pepper had left with only a note beside the bed.

He couldn't kiss her. He just couldn't. It was that thing people said about kissing being more personal than anything. It meant closeness and feelings. Kisses are built on feelings. It's not something a person can hide behind. It's intimate and you're vulnerable. You get close to the person and it exposes the softer sides of yourself and he isn't ready for that just yet.

"Knock, knock."

He looked up. It is Pepper.

"Hi," she greeted warmly.

"Hi." He put down his pen and watched her come towards him.

"Can we talk?"

"Is this the part where you've had time to think and you're here to tell me it's not going to work out?"

She shook her head. "No, not at all." She sees the graded homework on the table and said, "You're not gonna give me an F for leaving you this morning, right? Because that'll be rude and highly unethical."

"No, look." Tony went through the graded stack and pulled out hers. "Five points. A couple of them are wrong, but you tried, so that's full points."

"I didn't understand it in high school, I'm not going to understand it in college."

"You'll never learn with that attitude."

Pepper rolled her eyes and then said with sarcasm, "Yeah, cause it'll be super important in the future."

"I'm not even going to dignify that with a response." Physics was awesome. She didn't know what she was talking about. "Gimme it back. I still have to enter it into the system." He takes the papers before letting out a breath. "What did you want to talk about?" Just the thoughts in his mind made his heart beat quicker. He hates not knowing what's happening. He hates the anxious feeling that comes with it.

"It's about last night." He crossed his arms over his chest and squared his jaw. His defensive mechanism was in full force. "It scared you. And if we're being honest with each other, it scared me, too. We got close and the point is not one of us is at fault. We both-"

He chose to finish the sentence for Pepper. "Fucked up."

"Yes," she confirmed. "I shouldn't have acted impulsively. It wasn't fair to you."

"What I did wasn't fair either. I didn't mean to play with your feelings like I did."

She smiled softly. "It's alright."

"I just-" He let out an exasperated breath. "I have a lot of baggage."

"Everyone has baggage, Tony. It doesn't define who we are though."

"I know. Look, I get this is a relationship. I get people go into relationships with expectations of things falling in line. I'll never do that and what if you get frustrated about it? Like being married or wanting-"

"Okay, Tony, just hold on. Stop. Marriage?"

"Yeah, you want that, right? I mean, it's-"

She laughed at how serious he was being. "Just stop your thought process, alright? I know you have family and commitment issues, it's not new to me, and that doesn't change anything. You're right, with you I'll probably need to wait years until I get a proposal from you, but I'm honestly fine with it. I might tease you about it, I might want it, but I don't need it. I know you think I can easily get what I want if I left, but marriage, kids, I can't see myself having those things if the right person's missing from it. Part of me would be sad if I settled for second best and there is no way I'm gonna live my life like that. So if it means waiting longer than usual to have some dreams fulfilled, I can enjoy the ride. Because when those milestones actually do happen, it'll be incredibly special for the both of us and that's all that matters in the end."

That seemed to calm him down a bit. "So where do we go from here?"

"I'm available tonight."

His brows furrowed, not knowing what to do with that comment.

She offered him another hint. "I usually have dinner around eight o'clock."

"And I eat around-" His eyes widened. "Oh." He shot her a sheepish smile.

Pepper chuckled.

"I swear I'll get better at this."

"I'm afraid that's not possible."

"Spend time with me tonight."

She feigned surprise. "Tonight. Really?"

"Yeah, you'll like it. Italian is delicious."

"Pasta does sound good."

"Oh, that's awkward." He hummed. "Your mind went to food but I was talking about myself."

She rolled her eyes. "And just how many girls have actually fallen for that lame pick up line?"

"Only one. And she happens to be standing next to me."

"You better watch it because I just might stand you up."

He gave her a smile and cleared his throat as he heard the door open. He went back to his TA persona quite quickly and handed Pepper her homework. "Yeah, so the lowest two scores are dropped. It's nice, but it doesn't mean you should ditch."

"Okay, thanks." She took a seat from where she sat on Monday and watched as he told the two guys that had walked in to grab their papers if they wanted. She shot him a small smile and the two of them ignored each other until class started.

"How about you with the red hair? What's the difference? I swear, anyone who answers this is going to get three extra points."

Everyone turned to look at Pepper. She could feel the people behind her staring at her back and she looked around as people sitting in the front turned in their stools to face her. "Um..." She looked down at her notes she wrote in class yesterday, but wasn't sure if it was right. "Kinetic deals with speed, but potential's about position."

"Good. And if you all will quit being lazy and look in your notes like she did, this question would've been answered minutes ago." He glanced at the next page. "So there's five questions dealing with what we just talked about, so get in your groups and start."

"I never thought he'd be this serious," Jake commented.

Tiffany shrugged. "I think it makes him more sexy."

"What about the guys that are sensitive and nice?"

Pepper came into the conversation. "There can be both."

"No, they don't exist."

"Jeez, Pepper, I knew that, and I'm a dude. Anyways, let's get this over with."

Of course the first problem was always the easiest one and by the time they got down to the third question, fifteen minutes had passed. They were stuck and it looked like everyone in the class shared that same sentiment. Tony explained the problems and used the blackboard to write out the equations and by the time he finished, class was over and everyone was in a hurry to go. Some stayed behind to ask questions and he was quite patient in answering them. She grabbed her belongings and headed for the exit.

"Uh oh." She turned around and held in a laugh as she saw him look around to see if anyone saw what had happened. He sounded like a three year old who'd been caught doing something wrong. His face contorts into a frown as he stares at the papers on the ground.

She walked over to him and bent down to help. "Here you go."

He looked up and took them. "Thanks."

"No problem."

"I'll pick you up at 7:30. Is that okay?"

"Yeah."

"Okay." He hesitated for a small second and ultimately decided to rid the voice in his head that was telling him to kiss her. "I'll see you." He leaves it at that and walks off in the direction of the parking lot.

* * *

"You think this will be okay or is it too casual?" Pepper was currently standing in front of her bathroom mirror contemplating what to wear. This was the second outfit she had chosen to put on for the night.

"Well, it's not like they're going to kick Tony Stark out for being underdressed. And I like this one more. It shows off your legs."

She had on a vintage gravel sleeveless romper. It had a round neck and a front keyhole cutout. The waist was elasticized and there were side slit pockets with a button closure at the back of her neck. "That is not important."

"You're not showing much else, so trust me, it's important." This made Pepper smile. It was true the romper was a little short, but she couldn't put it back on the rack at the mall the moment she'd seen it. "You two okay after the almost awkward last night lip lock?"

"Yeah. We're fine." She paused to collect her thoughts. "I think we're in a good place."

"No kiss? Because that would make things interesting."

"No kiss. He's not just ready for it. I think because it makes our relationship feel real."

"Well, he better get with the program."

"He's trying not to disappoint me and I don't know how to tell him it's not necessary. If Tony doesn't remember, he doesn't remember, but if I tell him that I come off inconsiderate and it's not what I want."

"Just help him when he needs it. I think that's what he's counting on. And don't act like he is the only one being cautious about this relationship you two have going on."

"Why wouldn't I be cautious when it comes to him? When he left three years ago, it really stuck a knife in my heart. I don't even think that wound is completely healed."

"I think he was saving you the heartache. You gave him the green light and he took it. Sure, he could had stayed and fought for you, but he didn't have an incentive to."

"And after what happened with Robert, I didn't want to do another long distance relationship even if it hurt." She sighed before walking into her bedroom and toward her closet to grab a pair of strappy high heels. "Anyway, this is a fresh start. It's going to fun. We can start over. I'm excited we're where we are and I think he is, too."

"I hope you have fun. I'm gonna hang out with some friends. You'll probably be home before me."

"Alright. Bye. Be safe." Morgan left her room. Several minutes later and the front door closes. She puts the rest of her make up on and finishes with a couple minutes to spare. She stares at her reflection in the mirror and lets out a deep breath. She's beginning to feel nervous.

"You can do this," Tony muttered to himself as he got out of his car. Sticking his hands in his pockets, he made his way over to Pepper's unit while simultaneously attempting to calm himself down. "Just do it." He knocks on the door and waits impatiently. One of the lights in the apartment turns off and his stomach feels like it's about to churn. This is it.

Opening the door, Pepper smiled softly at him as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Hey."

He could feel his breath hitch in his throat. "Hi," he replied in a loud whisper.

"I think I have everything, so if-" She's looking through her purse to make sure everything's there and before she knows it, his hands cup her cheeks and brings her face up. Her shock muffles into the kiss and he's starting off timid, slow, trying to find a rhythm. Panic is coursing through her veins as she processes what is happening. Tony has kissed her. She opens her mouth to him and he quickly reacts to it. Her mouth is warm and tastes of chocolate and he's pretty sure he feels a jolt of electricity passing through him as she places a hand on his arm. He moves himself between her legs, moves closer, choosing to press her against the exterior of the apartment as she moans into the kiss. They break apart for air for not more than a second before locking lips again with an even greater passion. His hands run down the sides of her ribcage as their kiss becomes deeper, more hungry. He can't find it in him to pull away because he's realizing at this moment he's been wanting to do this since the hospital.

All of a sudden she laughs and breaks the kiss, grabbing his touchy hands that have found their way to the swell of her bottom. "Cool it. You haven't even brought me dinner yet," she teased. "Second base is not on the table for you and that is your first warning."

"My first warning?" He raised a brow in interest. "And what if I reach three?"

"I go home, put on some comfortable clothes and watch Netflix," she stated.

He let out a snicker and looked down at their intertwined hands.

"What made you do that?"

He knows she's referring to the kiss and he keeps his head down and shrugs.

"Hey," Pepper called out, squeezing his hand as she waits for him to look up. "I enjoyed it."

"Yeah?"

She nodded and he smiled. They're still quite close so she nuzzles her face into his neck and kisses him there before pulling away to meet his gaze with a smile. "Come on, let's go. I'm starving." She loosely links her arm around his as they walk down the sidewalk. "You're so warm," Pepper noticed.

"I'm sweating."

"What?" She glanced at him. "Why?"

"Do you think kissing you was easy?"

"You were that nervous about that?"

"Yeah!" Tony thought it was obvious.

"Aww," she cooed. She got in the car and shook her head when he rolled his eyes at her. He took off at lightning speed and she couldn't wait to see what their night entailed.

* * *

 **Yay, they kissed! Stayed tuned for PART 2 :)**


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